To Bournemouth And Beyond!

Yep, it was my first trip to the 'Big City' today. I have been to Christchurch many times, to Boscombe, to Southbourne, to Highcliffe, to Yorkshire (the place with all the hills where Mummy comes from), but I've never been to Bournemouth itself until today.

See, Mummy wanted to do a quick Christmas shop for all her family, but also (and much more important) she wanted to open me my very own bank account. I have no idea what this means, but apparently those Guvmont people that Daddy's always swearing at have given me some money to go in a special place until I'm all growed up. So I guess they can't be all bad, right?

Daddy has promised to type that faithfully, though he seems to be wanting a shower now.

Well we got to Bournemouth and straight away I was a bit surprised at how many people seem to live there. There were lots and lots and lots of them, all scurrying about like the ants in our back garden. And almost none of them stopped to coo over me either, its not right!

The first shop we went too had lots of pretty things in it, but smelled really funny. Mummy said that no, it wasn't because she had done a bottyburp, but because they had lots of candles and incense and things like that in there. It was a good place to hang out once I got used to the smell, because all the people that were too busy to coo over me when they were outside wanted to coo over me once they were inside. I felt much better and happier after having my fragile ego massaged for a while.

Next we went to the Early Learning Centre. Wow. Now I know how that boy from the film Aladdin must have felt. It was like someone had got every kind of toy in the whole world and put them all in one place. I wanted to play with everything and did my best octopus impression and grabbed for every toy in sight.

Seeing as the Guvmont had given me all this money I asked Mummy if she wouldn't mind spending it on as many toys as possible instead of putting it away till I grow up, but she said no. Poopy Mummy.

Finally after cruelly taunting me with all the toys and then dashing my hopes of a cot full of so many of them I wouldn't be able to move at night, Mummy took me to the Bank to open my Bank Account. When we were inside we saw a very nice man behind a desk who gave me one of those toys that go all windy and have beads to push along the wires. They go 'clack' a lot which is a funny noise, though Mummy reckons the man got far more fun out of it than I did. I was perfectly happy crinkling and crunching the till receipt she gave me.

I love receipts. They are just the right size for my little fingers, and they feel interesting to touch and make a great noise too.

Once we had opened my account we went home and I fell asleep in the car. When we got back I woke up rather on the hungry side and woke Daddy up yelling for my bottle. He had gone to sleep for an hour while we were out after making sure my sicky sister was all right. I have given her my nasty cold you see, and she was off school coughing and sneezing and generally being a snotbox. Poor sissy.

Once I'd had my bottle I concentrated on taking up where I left off this morning - making as much noise as possible to show my appreciation for feeling all better again. So Daddy has had to translate Yell, Shriek and Red-Faced Strain as well today, I think the poor soul must be feeling a bit harassed. Mummy says not to worry though, he has always been a very cunning linguist.

I was a bit miffed off tonight actually. For a start the phone kept ringing and once Daddy wanted to speak to Ruth and had the audacity to attempt to talk to her on it while holding me. The cheek of it! Well, I wasn't having that, let me tell you. So I squirmed, moaned, yelled and generally writhed about as much as possible because he wasn't paying me enough attention i.e. 100%.

Mummy left Daddy to it a bit and he got miffed off, so when Ruth made a joke about building up his arm muscles by holding me he made another one about arm muscles. I didn't get the joke, but when he said it he did the grin he does when he is annoying Mummy, you know the one I mean?

Sure enough, he tried to use me as a human shield to avoid a ding, does he think he is Saddam Hussein or something? But Mummy took me off him and then he ran and shut himself in the bedroom. He is such a wuss sometimes, I don't know why he makes jokes that annoy Mummy if he is just going to run away afterwards.

Anyway, once he let Mummy in the bedroom and took his punishment, I carried on making it as difficult as possible for him to talk to Ruth on general principles. He apologised for spending most of the conversation talking to me instead of her but she said she finds it very relaxing to hear him talk to me down the phone. That kinda sucked, relaxing was really not what I was going for!

So I was still feeling snippy as it got later on. I couldn't even have my nightly constitutional in the back garden because it started raining hard two minutes after we got outside, and besides I couldn't even see the moon anyway because of all the rainclouds.

Well, after all my mimping I am feeling very sleepy as I dictate this to Daddy, so I will probably fall asleep with my last bottle of the night and go to bed.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.