Lulu's Conception Report, Part 2

(Filed by our Gaming Correspondent, Daddy)

After the madness of the Thursday night DnD marathon, I was somewhat out of sorts, and not pleased that Daddy went off to actually play a game without us, again! So when we eventually came over to see Daddy where he was being a Goblin warchief in the Main Hall I was already giving it some in a big, big way. Daddy heard me coming (so did everyone else actually) and when he saw me all upset in the buggy and Mummy calmly drinking her coke and chatting to someone he got very annoyed with Mummy and took me out for a cuddle. Wasn't really Mummy's fault, I had only just started 'mimping for effect' as the military parlance has it after all. But he thought it had been going on for a while and could see I somewhat snotty and out of sorts and somewhat overreacted by leaving his game and taking me back to the Lodge, which was probably way too much.

Mummy explained calmly and patiently to Daddy (as you do for the hard of thinking) that she is perfectly capable of taking care of me, ill and mimpy or not, and that there was no need for him to overreact like that. Daddy, as Daddy does once the calm and patient explaining bit is over and done with, hung his head in shame and apologised to Mummy, but then said he thought maybe we should just all go home that night and cut our losses with him only coming back to do LARPs and the Treasure Hunt, and Mummy was sort of in agreement. Well, I wasn't having this - I was on holiday! So I let rip once again, but oddly this seemed to sway them towards going home rather than sticking around like I wanted to...

After lunch, Daddy want off to do the muster and to help the Bad Girlz run their sci-fi parody LARP, 'Firefly Battlestar Deep Space Babylon Seven Gate Wars In The 25th Century - The Next Generation'. He also got to play the scary Foregon Ambassador in a full alien suit, with helmet and everything, for about twenty minutes, and told everyone to kill the Wibbles, who were small furry aliens who were secretly taking people over, before it was too late...these LARP thingies get very complicated if you ask me. Still, he said most people had fun in their silly costumes, even if they did all end up as slaves of the First Wibble Empire in the end.

The Wibbles Triumphant

On Friday evening Mummy persuaded Daddy that we shouldn't go home after all, on the very sensible grounds that there wasn't really much more that could be done to make me feel better at home than at the camp. So he asked her if she was sure, then if she was really sure, then if she was really really sure. I think you can guess the rest. However once it was all over he went over to do evening muster and put up a signup sheet for another run of 'Goblins and Commanders' on Saturday morning, which got filled up double-quick time, including by one of the peeps who'd just played 'Midnight's Children' on Thursday. Double Daddyness, what a masochist!

When Daddy got back, Lippy and Aunty Lucy had come over with the Arkham Horror board game. Daddy was supposed to play it with them while Mummy chilled out, but somehow he ended up sorting out little old me pretty much all the way until bedtime...I feel a mwahahaaaaaaaaaa!!! is in order here, so.

Mwahahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!

Anyway, Mummy got ready for bed right quick after I settled down, as my nasty snottiness meant it was only a matter of time before I'd be up and wanting snuggles, and Daddy played the game. Being 'Arkham Horror' it is of course based on the Cthulhu Mythos, which means Daddy loves it! He is a sucker for all that 'cosmic horror' malarkey, apparently...

Saturday morning dawned, freezy and cold. Daddy got me up for first bottle and we went to sleep in the sofa together again afterwards, then he got Mummy up to look after me while he went to call morning muster and run his Goblinz game and get my big sister settled into her first game, a Fairies game with a nice man from Portsmouth named Mick. What a lot of tattoos he has...

After stopping to see my sissy, we went over to see Daddy about 11 o'clock and one or two of the players seemed a bit perturbed when he suddenly had a baby to help him run the game. But I soon got them into line and helped them rescue themselves from disaster with some really neat moves before Mummy came back. Daddy's friend Pat was the only survivor in the end and only got away with it with a perfect swan dive into a moat about 200 metres below a window - it was a real beaut of a move, apparently.

After lunch it was the big one - Garry Grotter and the Society of the Sparrow, written by Mummy and Daddy. One or two people pulled out at the last minute, like Daddy's friend Kiera the Stunty - I don't know why he call her that, I've seen pics of her and she doesn't look that short. But there are always peeps to play LARPs, and Daddy ended up saying it was the best LARP he's ever run, and some of the players agreed as well!

There were people in school uniform aplenty - the Dweebley brothers were in ridiculously bright wigs, the Dutch contingent were out in force (whatever that means) and it even ended with a grand confrontation between Garry Grotter and Lord Fondlebot (played by Knobby the Goblin, resplendent in his twirly black cape) which Garry won in true LARPy fashion to defeat the bad guy and get everyone home safely to Bogbort's, where they wiped out Luciars Milfoy who had trapped them all on a nasty hellplane (even Fondlebot as he was attempting a doublecross) but unfortunately forgotten to run away afterward...

Like I said, these LARP thingies get a tad complicated sometimes.

Saturday evening Daddy had an unusual duty to perform at muster - he had been told about severe weather warnings for Sunday so he explained to everyone in his usual shouty voice that they might want to check weather reports for their route before setting off if they were going back on Sunday. And with crushing irony he then had to go and give the same warning again to the 'Mountain of the Dead' LARP - which is set on a Mountain and was played with all the characters in full winter clothing in the freezing cold Games Rooms. I really think some of them thought he was joking.

Daddy says he set a new record during 'Mountain of the Dead' - shortest guest appearance ever. He was supposed to be an Ithaqua cultist (yes, more of that Cthulhu Mythos stuff, it seems to be very popular with people at Conception) who didn't feel the cold, so he turned out in just a t-shirt on his top half and thought he'd get very cold as he pretended to be a lost Native American who had just stumbled accidentally through a magic portal and into the Russian camp. Only the lady playing the Russian Commander saw he was armed with a tidgy little knife and just walked up and shot him five times before anyone else could interact with him in the slightest. So he lay down playing dead for about two minutes then got up and got his jumper and jacket back on. Total time on his feet roleplaying about 30 seconds, definitely a new record.


After Mountain of the Dead finished Daddy went partying for an hour or so. This nice chappie called Steve always throws an ace party on the Saturday night and apparently this year was no exception.

Steve as the Vampire Prince Michael of Bournemouth, from an old Daddy LARP

However we shall draw a veil over what a certain Goblin (not Daddy) did after getting rather too drunk at said party...when I'm older I don't think I shall drink this alcyboos stuff. It doesn't seem to have a very good effect on you, in fact if what Daddy told Mummy the morning after is anything to go by I'd frankly rather eat one of my own poopy nappies and would probably still feel better afterwards than this person did.

And then Sunday dawned. The Last Day of Conception. By this point everyone is struggling (especially after the saturday night parties) to keep going, people's money is running out, the faces are looking more drawn and more haggard.

And this is the morning when Daddy runs the Kiddiez Treasure Hunt.

Daddy's first headache was that the heaters for the Games Room he had been faithfully promised would be in there from 8am sharp werent there when he arrived at 9.15. So he had to go and jump up and down at the main desk to get things moving so it was still a little chilly when the children arrived at 10.30.

Every year Duncan the Rusty One brings a huge bag of dressing up clothes for the children to dress up in, and other people donate bits and bobs as well such as masks and in one case a blond wig from the Garry Grotter LARP which one of the children wore all day long in the end, even through the closing ceremony! Before the Hunt starts all the children get dressed up in fantasy costumes with the help of my Daddy, my Mummy and their Mummies and Daddies and one or two other helpful people from the Bad Girlz. I even wore my Tigger suit just to get in on the act.

This year Amber (who is getting too big for all this now frankly) wore a cool cape and hood and had a homemade bow and everything! We had someone dressed as a monster called an Umber Hulk with big mandibles and stuff, an ickle Elf princess, and even a Ninja Penguin by special request with a full-sized beak and everything...

And then the dressing up was done, and it was time for the Treasure Hunt. On the Sunday morning Daddy seeds clues on big bits of paper all round the main building, sometimes giving them to people and sometimes just posting them on walls and stuff. Then the children have to figure out what they all mean and go get the next clue until they finish. This means lots of charging around and general mayhem, including tiptoeing through the Bar ('The Place Where Children Mustn't Go) and lots of runs through the main hall where most people go 'awwww' and the hardcore gamers moan at the noise.

When it was his turn to be a Clue, Bob the Diceman made one of the children cry by pretending he was going to eat their baby sister, and gave him a free big dice to say sorry. He gave me my very own set of Goblin Green dice when we arrived as well as a naming present, he is very very generous with his stock. My big sister and he have been friends for years and years, she even bought a set of dice made from Blue Jasper off him once, they are very tiny and beautiful pieces.

I was a Clue as well! It said 'Find The Baby In Disguise', and that was me because I was in my Tigger suit, see? When they all piled back into the Games Rooms where I was waiting I was having Tummy Time and very very nearly crawling, yay me!


Eventually after loads of clues the last one said 'The Goblin In Black Has The Final Clue', and everyone had to chase my Daddy back into the Games Rooms to pick up their prizes. They got loads of sweeties and a cuddly toy each, and the ickle Elf Princess got an extra cuddly because Daddy thought she had the coolest outfit.

Once the Treasure Hunt was over we headed back to the Lodge with Amber and had our lunch. Mummy and Daddy started packing up ready to go home while we ate, but I was so excited by this point I hardly touched it, and so I was a bit on the hyper side when we went back over for the closing ceremony.

Andrew, Duncan, John and Julian all stood up on the stage and gave their speeches about how much money Conception had raised and who it was going to (mostly Round Table and the like, but also £1000 for an equally worthy charity called Help For Heroes) and then Daddy got on the stage to do the Golden Badger Awards for the people whose characters had died in the most amusing ways. After he was done the charity people came up and thanked people for their efforts while Daddy snuggled me next to the stage - unfortunately just as they were finishing up I detonated a Size Five in my nappy and Daddy had to take me out for a bum change, so I missed most of the raffle. Daddy says it was very quick this year as people have complained about how long it was on previous occasions...

Next there was the photy session, which featured me in my special custom-made Conception X T-Shirt - but as it was outside it had to be a really quick photy shoot because lo and behold, it started snowing!!! What a great way to end the proceedings, with the first little wispy bits of snowy goodness.

After the raffle Mummy had gone back to the Lodge to finish the packing, so Amber went into the play area to run around playing Tickle Monster with some of the other ickle kiddiewids, and Daddy and I wandered around the main building having cuddles and saying hi to people. I got lots of cooing and even some cuddles off a few people when I was feeling generous enough to let them snuggle me, but eventually I started getting tired so Daddy took me back over to the Lodge. However, when we got there Mummy had already got the packing done and was just waiting for Grandad to arrive, so Mummy filled our car with stuff and when he did she took me back to the house while Grandad filled his car with the rest and took Daddy back. But as they were leaving it started to snow, really really hard - and I slept through it because when Daddy and Grandad arrived back at the house I was totally gonzoed, ooopsy!

Mummy decided she might as well just go back to the camp to pick Amber up with me asleep in the car (after clearing out enough things to make room for my big sissy of course, couldn't have her perched on the parcel shelf now could we) so off we went, but by the time I woke up the snow had mostly stopped. Bummer, huh?

So I went to bed that night, dissappointed at missing the snow and still a bit icky and snuffly (in fact I still am a bit icky and snuffly, I can't shake this naughty cold!), but in the morning the world was a bit different to the night before...


So there we were, home in the snow after my first ever Conception. And now, please join me in raising a bottle to the idea of many, many more in the future!

An Appeal From Lulu

Daddy, Amber and I had a bit of a Youtube fest tonight after Mummy was called unexpectedly into work for a few hours. Most of it was music stuff - some November's Doom for Amber as she thinks they're ace, a really crystal clear live video from the very scary Skepticism for Daddy, and then a cartoon for me. Weeeell, Amber seemed to be jumping up and down a lot tellin me how funny it was, and was very pleased when Daddy relented and put it on.

Now she has been singing 'the Doom song' for an hour and a half. Please help me.

Conversations With Amber

Daddy helped translate my gurgles for me this morning, because I wanted to ask my big sister a serious question as she was getting ready to leave for school.

"Sissy," I asked via Daddy. "Why do you carry a big peebag to school sometimes?"

"It's a Peeeeee Bag," she replied.

"I know it is. But why carry a bag of wee?"

"It has clothes in it actually Lucy."

"But don't they end up smelling of wee? Doesn't Daddy have enough washing to do already?"

"There's no wee, Lucy. Just clothes."

"Then why isn't it called a Clothesbag?"

"Because it's for Peeeeee."

"Don't grown up girls use toilets for that?"

She just smiled a touch wearily and raised her eyebrown at Daddy in that way she has. Poor Daddy, he was just translating after all.

The Evening Constitutional

The Evening Constitutional around the Back Garden is a fine Daddy/Baby tradition, dating back to the days when my big sister would try to go to sleep before her last feed and/or get all mimpy in general because she was tired. Back in the days of its inception of course the garden was all level with no dirty great trenches and no deadly Poo Pit and there were no bunny rabbits, two facts which Daddy assures me are closely interconnected.

The Back Garden at Night is a magical place, full of wondrous sights and sounds, not the least of which is the Daddy, the Baby and occasionally by special request the Sister too. In the daytime it has bunnies, a Suicide Robin (yes, Katie hasn't gotten him yet, but he keeps coming back for more anyway) and recently a squirrel who has started fencerunning and jumping down to forage under the eyes of a very bemused Scruffles, though it seems to have the common sense not to try it when Katie's the one out of her hutch. It also has really special Moons, Shooting Stars and the odd Santa flyby!

It might seem a bit of an odd time of year to start the Constitutional again, what with it being so freezing cold that today when Amber went to cover the bunnies we realised poor Mr.Scruffles hadn't had much of a drink today because ice had formed over the outlet of his water bottle and had half-filled it too. Amber had to break all the ice up with hot water in order to give him a drink! But Daddy wraps us both up so warm and toasty that we are like little steamy volcanoes so when we walk about the garden we don't end up like the water bottle.

We have come up with some new games to keep me awake in case I get too cosy in Daddy's arms and start getting sleepy all over again (which happens more often than you'd think despite the cold). We play Dragon's Breath and watch our warmth float away in the moonlight, or sometimes Daddy and I grab the low branches on one of the trees at the back of the garden and shake them so they rattle together. This makes me laugh like a very cute drain!

Sometimes Daddy sings to me outside. He sings all kinds of songs (except the noisy ones) in his best low and mellow voice, which always chills me out (no pun intended) no end. I don't know what the neighbours think about it all, maybe it sends them off to happy quiet land as well.

When my sister comes outside (sometimes because she is covering up the bunny hutches against the cold when Daddy and I are already out there) we play games that also make me giggle. Daddy sometimes pretends to be that Attenburr chappie and makes up silly names for her and stalks through the garden pretending he is in a nature programme with her as the subject, or is just generally silly in an effort to make us both laugh. Last night he sang a song that was so silly that it gave her hiccups. Poor Amber.

I love my Evening Constitutionals. Long may the tradition continue.

My First Christmas Day

I did that Christmas thing for the first time a few days ago. It seemed to consist of rellies, shiny bright wrapping paper and lots of food. I think I liked the paper best - no offence to the rellies but they did move to Scotland after all and apparently that's bad. Certainly Daddy seems to get a little...cutting, when he refers to 'the whinging, leeching parasites', which he insists is the collective noun for a group of Scottish people.

(I am now sat on daddy's shoulders with my legs wrapped around his head, with my hands ripping at his hair. This is Mummy's way of ensuring there are typos unless Daddy stops typing and gets me undressed so she can run my bathwater.)

It started off like any other day - Daddy got me up for my first bottle, I noshed it, I fell asleep, he took me back to bed. But when we woke up my sissy got to come onto the bed and open a shiny present and a card with lots of special Gift Certificates in. That was new!

The Gift Certificates weren't like normal ones for buying stuff at Arghs and Weeweestones. They entitled Amber to special things like 'Kick Daddy off the computer for an hour' and 'Daddy cleans the rabbits out today'. She is biding her time with them though, I reckon she'll leave the bunny ones until it's raining so hard you can barely even look outside without wanting to dry off.

After I had my Tenses (which are like elevenses but a bit earlier, and a lot messier) and had the traditional screamy cleanup session after smearing myself thoroughly with nana as usual we went over to Granny and Grandad's. Once we got there we sat down in the living room and we really got down to present unwrapping in a very serious way.

I got books. I got toys. I got toys I can chew on, including a strange crabby thing with lots of little nobbly bits and a bit you can push to squeak. That was my favourite of all. It has hardly left my side, or my mouth for that matter. I have really enjoyed dribbling all over it.

The best bit was of course the wrapping paper. I lost count of how many times I gobbed my dummy out and then had it popped back in again before I could nosh some of it down - anything that pretty and shiny just has to taste good, right? I swear I only left a nanosecond between the dummy coming out and paper going in, but Mummy and Daddy were always there to make sure it didn't happen. They are annoyingly efficient sometimes, it really hacks me off!

I had a whole new load of things to chew on through the day, but the best teeth-related part of it was the lunch. It was my very own portion of Granny's special roasty dinner - chicken, sausage, veggies, taters and special Baby Gravy. Sure it took me twice as long as everyone else to plough through it but at least I wasn't groaning under the strain of not throwing up like everyone else seemed to be. I paced myself, see?

Granny doesn't half do a massive spread. Daddy said he'd go and pick the bones of the chicken after we were done so it didn't go to waste, but this most definitely didn't happen, in fact it looked more like we'd be picking his bones up off a stretcher by the time he'd noshed a couple of mince pies after the main course. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

After such a huge nosh I had to have a good kip, but I was determined to stick around for more presents so Daddy had to take me into the little bedroom where Amber stays when she is at Granny's away from everyone else, and rock me off to sleep. I stayed down on him for ages, but oddly when I woke up I was on Mummy. I think she gets a little jealous when I am asleep on Daddy sometimes, but stealing me off him when I'm asleep is a bit much.

I was feeling so well disposed after all this noshing and napping that I even let Grandad cuddle me for, oooh, must have been a whole two minutes. Scary, huh? I definitely must have been filled up with that Christmas spirit that's in all those films Mummy keeps insisting we watch lately on the telly. As well as the sausage.

As time drew close for teatime though we decided to go home to give me my tea. This decision was slightly influenced by Mummy and Daddy's realisation that they had managed to leave the bag with my bottles in at home...so off we went back to our little house for tea.

Inevitably however one of Amber's special christmas pressies hadnt made it to Granny's, and it turned out that Mummy and Daddy had hidden it at the bottom end of my cot so well that they had forgotten where they had actually put it. About par for the course really, that.

When we did eventually open the present, it was the DVD of a film called the Dark Knight, and it had a very funny looking man in a black suit with small bunny ears on who seemed to be very upset all the time. The other person in it was a very strange man with makeup on, who talked in a funny voice in the bits I could see. Daddy says soon I will start 'getting' films, and won't be able to watch as much telly as I do now.

(Today a funny thing happened. My sister was being a bit of a sulkydraws and Daddy went up to her and licked his lips in a funny way, then said "Why so serious?" in exactly the same voice as the man with the makeup on from the film! Amber raised her eyebrows at him, and they went even higher when he started crowing about how well he had done the impression. I got the distinct impression from her that she wanted to find the makeup stick the man in the film used and insert it where the sun doesn't shine, even from my radiant Daddy.)

So that was my first Christmas. I got to see Granny and Grandad, and even the people who gave us their old high chair which I now sit in for dinnertime popped in from over the road to pay homage to the awesome wondrousness that is me, so Mummy and Daddy could say thank you in person for them giving it to us. A proper old cooing fest, all things considered.

I think I am still full of Christmas spirit, you know. I gave Mummy the present of a huge weewee all over her this morning when she changed me as Daddy got my morning bottle ready downstairs, so I know my generosity still hasn't diminished just yet...

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

My Super-duper Sister

My sister is cool. It's official. She is settling into all the huge amount of travelling she has to do to and from her new school really well, Mummy and Daddy say they love how grown up she is about getting all those buses. Some days she is up before I am!

Mummy and Daddy took me to her Parents Evening at the school a couple of weeks ago. We saw three of her teachers - her History teacher, her English teacher and her Science teacher. The Science Teacher is the one who has put her onto the idea of doing the Astronomy GCSE after finding out how much heavy stuff like Planetary Formation she did when Daddy used to homeschool her. She also said that she should look forward to next term because there will be lots of practical experiments which is one of the things she likes best.

We found out just what brainboxes the children who got into her school are though - her SATS mark for Science was the best in her whole Year when she left and that only placed her joint fourth in her class to start the Year off with - and there are five classes!

Daddy says this means she will have to Really Work For It to be top of the class now. He says that a lot, now I come to think of it. I think she must get it by now, surely? She is clever enough to have got into the school after all...

Amber's History teacher thinks she is ace too. She says she gets top marks in the work that's supposed to be most difficult for children of her age, which is the kind that involves Research and Evaluation. And next term she is going to be looking at how History gets written, and how people can sometimes rewrite it to suit their own purposes...kind of like Daddy wants to keep this Blog in archive so when I tell my children what a well-behaved little girl who slept through the night I was he can snigger and tell them what a big fat liar I am.

The other day, Amber came home really pleased because she got two merits from her History teacher, for two things written about what Daddy calls '1066 and all that'. The first one was written from the point of view of Harold Godwinson and was so funny that her teacher wrote that it made her cry laughing in her History book, how cool is that?

"Dear Diary,

William is on my black list. Big time! I know I sort of, well, did break my promise, but he doesn't have to invade to show he is upset. I mean, why can't he send a nice little letter explaining how he feels about the situation? He needs serious anger management classes. I am so going to kick his bu - his behind."

Daddy thought that the idea that William of Normandy needs anger management is very funny. But just to show that she can write deadly serious things too, my sissy also did a thing about the Battle of Hastings which Daddy says is really gritty and atmospheric.

"We are losing. Normans litter the ground and the deadly Saxons continue the slaughter. Suddenly, we Normans start retreating and the Saxons, blood crazy, run after them. I limp away, my leg wound starting to open wider and bleed.

Then our archers shoot a volley of arrows, unexpectedly, and many Saxons fall down dead. We suddenly start to move forward, fighting again. I feel weaker than ever, my leg covered in my own blood..."

Oooooooo. Scary, huh? And a bit yucky too, now I come to think of it.

I will translate Amber's military memoirs into Yell, Shriek and Red-Faced Strain when I am older and Daddy actually lets me on the puter without handcuffs, on account of me having issues with messing up the laptop once upon a time (I managed to start Defragmenting it which was quite amusing because Mummy doesn't actually know how to do it herself).

But seriously, how cool is my sister? Her writing rocks the world. When I grow up I will be a cool writer just like her, though I will write about milk and nappies and how cute Piglet is more often than she does.

She is my super-duper sister, and we all think she is the coolest big sister ever.

Bournemouth Bournemouth Bournemouth

Yes Bournemouth, Lulu was back! You see my big sister had managed to leave her Peebag on the bus (still having trouble getting why she carries a bag of wee around to school three times a fortnight, but there you go) but luckily it had been handed in to the driver and so Mummy and Daddy took me into Bournemouth to get it and decided to make an afternoon of it.

I didn't want to go in the car at first, and had a righteous mimp about it. Well all right, to be precise I didn't want to have any clothes on at all and had a righteous mimp about that, and then had a righteous mimp about getting in my coat and the car seat. However Daddy cheered me up from the back seat by pulling silly faces at me and talking to me as usual and my mood soon improved.

When we got to Bournemouth we parked opposite one of Daddy and Amber's favourite places - the great big Ohdeeon. This is a place where you go to watch films on great big giant screens and you dont have to put tapes or DVDs in them first. Daddy and Amber used to go there on a Sunday morning to see lots of films because they did very cheap movie tickets for kiddiewid films. They even had an 'on the way to the cinema' song and everything!

After Daddy reminisced about the Ohdeeon we walked down to a bookshop called Waterstones and bought some books about children who have misplaced their things but take a while to find them, like "That's Not My Dragon" and "That's Not My Rabbit". I guess they must be for my sister as she is always losing things. Maybe there's one called "That's Not My Peebag".

I started to get a bit mimpy in Waterstones as Mummy got to the counter then asked about 10,000 more books. That's what Daddy said, anyway. She said it was only one or two but she was in there an awfully long time so Daddy wheeled me backwards and forwards outside untul she was done.

I was still a bit mimpy when we walked down to get Amber's peebag from the Yellow Bus office near the big Square. I soon got distracted though, as there were lots and lots of things to see. Every year in Bournemouth as December draws near there are lots and lots of new stalls that spring up outside, both in the Square and leading up Commercial Hill. They are all in neat wooden booths that look like mini-cabins, and they sell lots of food and drink and christmassy things for all the people that flood Bournemouth looking for presents at this time of year. People were just starting to put them up when we got there, so if we go back again before Christmas there will be lots and lots of cool food and shiny things to play with, yay Bournemouth!

After going to get the peebag and seeing the stalls being put up, we went inside a shopping mall on Commercial Hill. Mummy went upstairs to the sports shop and Daddy took me into a place called Humv to look at the Metal CDs. Apparently one of his fave bands from when he was young and had hair down to his bottom (still have trouble picturing that) has a new album out and he got all excited, bless him.

However by this point I was getting tired and just like last time everybody seemed far too busy to coo over me, so I started turning heads by conducting our conversation in Yell. Daddy stopped looking through the CDs and talked to me for a minute, and a very miserable looking boy with the floppiest fringe ever bumped into the Tank and gave Daddy a really evil stare, as if it was his fault that he missed seeing a four foot tall ABV (Armoured Baby Vehicle). Daddy politely suggested that if he cut his fringe he might be able to avoid stationary objects, and he stalked off with his lip wobbling.

I think Daddy made him cry. I know I'd cry if I had a haircut that stupid.

We went outside of Humv to wait for Mummy, but she took ages and ages upstairs doing her shopping (again). When she eventually did emerge we went to have our lunch in the Moon! Twas funny, I always imagined it would be more cratery and white, but instead this Moon was full of people having drinkies and nosh.

We found a little table in the corner of the Family Area, and the momentous occasion of my first ever sit down meal occurred. Mummy went to order her and Daddy's food and get some hot water to heat my bottle up, and when she had got it Daddy gave my bottle while Mummy went outside for some potential lung cancer, as Daddy puts it. I really don't think Daddy likes her smoking again, you know.

Well, I can tell you I felt very grown up indeed, having my bottle in a proper restaurant like the grownups do. I am a proper Big Girl now!

Mummy and Daddy both like eating out, as Daddy says that food always tastes better when someone else has cooked it, and Mummy generally adds that with his cooking it's pretty much a certainty. They both like Chinese and Italian food, though Daddy still likes Rice even when he has Italian food. He usually has something meaty whereas Mummy has something Spaghetti-like. His favourite is a special Seafood Risotto, Mummy's is Spaghetti Bolognese. Unfortunately these dishes are from two different restaurants, but that's Mummy and Daddy for you.

After we all had our lunches, we went back home and I fell asleep in the car. It did seem to me that my big sister was back early, and Daddy said that this was because she had been on a whistle-stop tour of lots of different places where people worship God. Or Gods. Or ancestors. I think he must mean like her Dungeons and Dragons playing Lamb worships Azuth. I wonder if she went to an Azuthan Temple?

After all that excitement I really didn't want to go to sleep and kept waking myself up to play with Daddy after my last feed. I managed to get up, do a big stinky weewee so as to require a big bum change, then fight the sleepiness until Mummy got home from hockey practice. It's a great talent of mine, that is.

Today I did really well with my baby rice, and Mummy and Daddy were very pleased. I think they wish taking these luverly solids would help me sleep better, but you can't have everything.

Grandad is very pleased with my insomniac tendencies of course. He says I am his revenge on Daddy for not going to sleep until he was 4 1/2 years old. Daddy says it wasn't his fault, he didn't know better. Grandad says neither do I, so that all works out in the end. Not sure I follow the logic there, but Grandad seems very pleased with it so who am I to argue?

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Yummy Goodness & Why My Mummy Has To Be A Very Patient Lady

I am finally getting into this weaning thing! Baby rice is true yummyness, I have now decided. What helps is that Mummy got my big sister's old baby walker thingy out of the loft and I can sit up in it and play, and eat my food as well as my toys! So this way there isn't as much messyness (as long as they keep the bowl out of my reach of course) and I have discovered that its actually fun to, you know, eat the food instead of just letting it dribble back out again. Or gag on it.

Now Daddy is feeling better and not doing his celebrated 'man coughing up a lung' impression, I have been catching up on playtime. Whether or not I should be doing inconsequential things like sleeping or feeding is frankly irrelevant. I yelled my displeasure for a solid hour yesterday morning when he dared to try and get me down for the post-first-feed nap I hadn't had earlier. Between you and I, I think he was getting a tad frustrated by the end of it all and Mummy very kindly got up out of bed to come and help him out.

Mummy has been helping Daddy lots while he has been ill, he says she is teh star. She has been doing the washing up sometimes (granted this has been on the grounds that there isn't much point getting it clean if he then coughs all over it, but still) and has managed to make his job easier at least once a day by forgetting to boil the water for my feed when he asks to so he has to give me a carton instead. Isn't that generous?

Some mornings she has also got up to me and let him sleep in, like Friday when we take my big sister straight to the swimming pool instead of her getting the bus to school. Well, all right yes he did get up to make sure Amber was ready for school at half past six, but that's not the point. He got to go back to bed again for a whole two hours when we went off to pick up Frankie and go to the pool, so he was quids in there.

In other news, Jacques the Shark accidentally ended up in the washing machine today. He got a teeny tiny bit squidged and Daddy says he now looks like he's had one too many glasses of champagne instead of his usual suave expression. We're still not quite sure how he got there, I think maybe Mummy was trying to get rid of him because she is getting miffed off with Daddy running him through my bathwater whilst chanting the Jaws theme in a French accent. Every time.

Poor Mummy. I don't know where she gets the patience.

My Sister, Poopyhead

Daddy says my unfortunate big sister won't thank him for posting this, but I thought the way the seagull managed to just perfectly hit her fringe so there was a big blob of birdy goodness hanging down her fringe in front of her eye was just too good not to share.

In other news, Daddy's sickyness has brought his cough up to the point where he will be on the sofa tonight so he doesn't wake me up. Must be preemptive karma for embarassing Amber like this.

I Saw Santa!

I did! Well, alright, my big sister saw him first when I was in the back garden cuddled up to Daddy having my evening constitutional, flying across the sky towards the moon. His big red Santa Suit (which is like my Sleep Suit but bigger and redder and more furry) was winking on and off as the moonlight hit it, and when he flew across the face of the moon I'm sure I could see him waving at me. We get the best moons in our back garden so I could see him really clearly.

Daddy said good girls get lots of presents from Santa. However considering it was 4.30 am last night when he said it after he gave up and brought me downstairs, my hopes aren't high. Damn.

Space Baby

My sister has taught me how to play Space Baby in my bouncer. We wave my arms and blast off into space, and then we pilot our bouncy spaceship to all kinds of exotic planets. We visited Planet Baby and bought a dummy, then went to Planet Chunder and bought a Whoozit. Then we went to Planet Lucyhome and bought a Tinklebunny! It cost me five Dribbles.

Mummy calls Tinklebunny (who makes a pleasant tinkly noise when I shake him) Jinglebunny and gives Daddy very black looks when he doesn't go along with her.

I love playing with my big sister. I will miss her when I am in Yorkshire this weekend. I won't even be able to tell Daddy much to post on here every day either, but he says Mummy will ring him at least once every hour so she can fill him in.

I slept for ages last night and Daddy actually got something almost resembling a proper night's kip (though my poor sicky Mummy is still coughing and was stuck on the sofa again) after trying a late bedtime to knock me out. I almost managed a Powernap at 8.30 when Daddy took me out the Back Garden to watch the fireworks but he spotted that I was falling asleep and managed to wake me up, curses! He is trying it again tonight to see if I will still stay crashed out and only wake up three or four times like last night.

It's going to be bathtime soon, and I shall splash and splash and splash and splash. It's what I do. I splash, therefore I am, Daddy says. It's as good a philosophy to live by as any I suppose.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

The End Of An Era (Well, Halfterm Anyway)

Yes, I have Officially caught Mummy's cough. This Officially Sucks, and means it's going to be another very long night for my dear parents. They are starting to look a bit ragged around the edges now. Daddy is even drinking Coca Cola for the caffeine content seeing as he doesn't normally touch coffee with a ten-foot pole.

My big sister goes back to school tomorrow. This also sucks. She has played with me lots and lots this halfterm, and changed more of my nappies than Mummy did today! She is teh Star.

I wouldn't go off to sleep this afternoon, so Daddy sung me that weird lullaby he likes. I don't know what the words all mean but it's very soothing and often calms me down and helps me get my Powernaps. Mummy frowns if she's there, because apparently she doesn't think all the words are 'entirely appropriate' but Daddy takes the pragmatic, if somewhat suicidal attitude that 'it calms her down so bog off'.

We all went down to Mudeford Quay today and fed the ducks, swans, cygnets, seagulls, weird looking big seagulls with grey hook beaks, moorhens and other feathery creatures. The seagulls really swarmed and whenever one managed to grab a piece of bread from the air and fly off with a pack of his friends in pursuit Daddy amused us by doing a racing commentary to accompany the action.

At one point Mummy thumped Amber upside of the head with a loaf of bread when she kept dangling slices over Mummy's head and seeing if the seagulls would do their business on her. The bag split and slices of bread flew everywhere. Daddy laughed so hard I jiggled up and down so fast I could barely focus on all my seagull friends, though he says this is Setting A Bad Example. I don't know why, I think it's all very funny just like he does and that can't be bad.

All in all despite the coughyness it's been a good halfterm with my big sister, all things considered. And I'm off to Yorkshire with Mummy this weekend to be cooed over by all the Mummyrellies while Daddy and my big sister go to Indiecon, which Daddy won a free pass for by answering lots of questions in a quiz. Yay for Daddy and his geeky knowledge of roleplaying games!

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

A Change Daddy Can Believe In

Today was an unusual day in many respects. For starters, Mummy got up with me at 7 and gave me my first feed instead of Daddy, I think my constant wake-up-and-howl-at-the-moon-for-no-apparent-reason routine from 2am had left her with a 'what the hell' attitude in the end. She even took me out to Sainsbury's after my feed so Daddy could catch up, so he got to sleep in until 9, the lucky thing.

Once Daddy got up I had lots of time playing with him and my big sister. She has been very cuddly with me today, we have had lots of quality time singing silly songs and playing with my toys. Daddy says she has been a brilliant help today and has let him do lots of little jobs.

I have also been in my new bouncer as much as I am allowed to be today, spinning and dancing and generally grinning until the dribble hits the floor unnoticed. It rocks my world.

I have been cunningly waiting until mid-feed again to ambush Daddy with nappy-based detonations. It's so much fun lying in the crook of his arm and watching his expression change as I fire off and he starts wondering whether or not its escaped into my trousers.

It did at lunchtime (after Mummy went back to bed with a sore throat after yelling herself hoarse at hockey practice last night), hehehehe. I managed to get it on the Booties-She-Can't-Take-Off, which was very annoying for Daddy as he'd only just got them washed and dried after the last time. When will he realise that I just don't like doing the whole 'clothes' thing?

After lunch I had a little sleep because I wanted to get in on the act with Mummy, but just as Daddy was about to make himself lunch the old Daddy Dinners Radar went off and I woke myself up. I'm just too damn good...

I was in very vocal mood after my lunchtime Powernap, so I decided to discuss the likely outcome of the US Elections with Daddy and Amber. In Yell. I woke Mummy up when I did it, my bad.

Daddy says what he had to deal with during my lunchtime feed is the only kind of Change He Can Believe In.

After I woke Mummy up Daddy took me up so I could have a cuddle and apologise, while he made his lunch. But she stayed in bed with me and gave me some toys to play with, and it was just so warm and cosy in there with her that I went to sleep all over again and stayed down for over an hour while she snuggled me. This meant that Daddy and Amber could have cuddles and play computer games together, which is good as she is on holidays from Big Big School this week and we all want to make the most of it.

Of course for Mummy and Amber, making the most of it seems to mainly consist of making really really sticky and yummy chocolate cakes that Daddy can't have because they will upset his tummy, and then waving them under his nose and saying 'Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm' a lot. Daddy is making some really quite scary threats to try and make them stop, but they just keep on grinning and saying how yummy everything tastes.

When they brought in the saucepan with the chocolate sauce in it to show him he started muttering about that divorce thing again. I really must find out what that means.

After my 5 o'clock feed I had Bath Time. Bath Time is great stuff, I always manage to soak Daddy as much as possible. Last week I got him all wet and after he changed his trousers he sat down to change my nappy then realised he was sitting on the towel he had put down to catch all the water that got over the edge of my baby bath earlier. Poor Daddy.

This time I had all my Zoggs in the bath. I have three of them - Sven Penguin, Jacques le Shark and the Zogtopus. Tonight I really wanted to eat Jacques' Fin, which Daddy says is a delicacy in some countries. Aren't I all sophisticated with the international cuisine there?

After I had had a good splashabout, Daddy held me while Mummy washed my hair. This is not my favourite part of the whole bathing experience, and boy did I let them know how I felt about it. Still, I always have fun when Daddy lays me down for drying out afterwards. He wraps me in the towel and rubs me dry, then assumes his long-suffering expression as I throw myself onto my Tummy just as he is trying to put the Talc on it.

I always seem to end up with Daddy blowing talc out of my tummy button. I have a proper Innie, and it does tend to get filled up with the talc when I wont stay still. Which is every time really, now I come to think of it.

After my bath Mummy went off to the pub to see Dan, so it was just the three of us. I was enjoying a cuddle with my big sister so much that I fell asleep on her - right before my last feed. In my state of being 95% asleep, I could just make out Daddy explaining what a pain I am to get to sleep if I have a nap before that last feed, so Amber woke me up again. I was not impressed, and vented my lack of impressedness in the time honoured fashion.

One major Yell later, and it was time for Amber to go and shower, and for me to have my last feed. I scoffed it down whilst Daddy carried on talking to his friend from America, Daphne, on the puter. They discussed how cute Mummy and Amber and I am, and lots of that Pottylicks stuff that Daddy and Grandad talk about a lot.

In the end I was so shattered that after I had said goodnight to Amber and Daddy zipped me into my sleepsuit and laid me down in my cot I barely had time to dictate this in Gurgle. It's been a long and busy day, and I have to get my head down now so I can be fresh in the morning after waking Mummy and Daddy up every hour of the night.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Violence, Mayhem, Ducks

Utter chaos ensued at Mudeford Quay tonight. First Daddy was trying to get revenge on Amber for trying to annoy him by talking through his headphones at him in the car, and he let the car door swing back when she had her hands full of bread so she'd have to put the bread down to open it again. But she didn't notice.

Ding!

Then whilst nursing her sore head, she tripped up coming out of the car and the loaf she was holding swung out and hit Daddy right between the legs.

Ding!

Then when we got the harbour, Amber wouldn't stop singing the really annoying bit from 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' so Mummy advanced on her and swung a loaf at her - but she tried to avoid it, tripped over and went backwards onto the floor.

Ding!

But it wasn't over, because Mummy was laughing so hard by now that she wasn't paying very much attention to where she was throwing, and she hit a duck in the beak with a slice of bread.

Ding!

I consider myself rather lucky to have escaped the carnage. Specially as Daddy kind of owed me one for managing to get poo all over him earlier when I had an escaped detonation and I kicked my little poopy legs at him.

I'd had some good fun with him out the garden before I fired it off though. We even saw Katie do her first poo of the day in the Poo Pit when we swapped the bunnies out together. She squatted down on the edge and then gradually kind of edged backwards, inch by inch before deciding she'd found a comfy spot. It was very strange how precise she was.

Daddy was back at his silly gaming tonight though, playing his 'bluff Yorkshireman' Albert Woolshaggery in Uncle Julian's Hawkmoon game. Uncle Julian has assured Mummy that he really did randomly role a Grim Northerner and this wasn't just him being mean about Yorkshireness. What are the odds?

So anyway, because Daddy wasn't here naturally I decided I would have some quality time with just myself and Mummy after Amber went to bed. So I stayed awake till gone 9 even though my last feed was at 8, wasn't that kind of me?

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Today I Have Been Mostly Napping

I got woken up first thing in the morning at 6 o'clock by Mummy and Daddy today. Actually woken up before I had slept my fill, can you imagine that? I was so shocked at this blatant flouting of the parent-baby conventions that I just noshed the entire thing without really remembering to be awkward about it. But the one good thing was that I got to have some sissy time with Amber before she went off to school.

Even more shocking was what happened at 8 o'clock - Mummy got up and let Daddy go back to bed. The world is turning upside down, it really is.

The reason I was woken up bright and early was that I was supposed to go to baby swimming with Mummy and get in the pool at 11, so I needed my feed to be just after 9. But dyu know what, I really didn't feel in the mood today, so I decided to detonate an actual Size Eight in my nappy at 10 o'clock to help delay matters and then decided to use my baby self-hypnosis to put myself to sleep just at the wrong time. So no swimming for Lulu today, especially when Mummy realised that she would have to wake Daddy to get towels out of the airing cupboard to go swimming with anyway.

So after the deadline was finished, I woke myself up and pretended to be sooooooo upset about missing swimming, and we went to wake Daddy. He was pretty hammered still by the looks of it - and he made a very rude gesture indeed at Mummy when she suggested that I should jump on him to wake him up properly.

After lunch we went to Mudeford Quay - and I promptly fell asleep in the car for a while. Mummy and Daddy just stayed in the car and chatted while I had my Powernap, and by the time I woke up we needed to get back for the next feed. This was mean, I wanted to play with the gulls and the swans! So when we got home I expressed my displeasure in a very polite and reasoned manner for the next couple of hours. Right in Daddy's ear.

Daddy rallied magnificently though, and off he went to fetch Amber from the bus stop. When they came back I had loads of Big Sister Time in her room. We played lots of funny games and I managed to cuddle lots of toys, bonus!

I love my Big Sister Time. She is helping me learn my words just like Mummy and Daddy are, and she is also coming up with lots of new choruses of Coming Round The Mountain. And she has more cuddly toys than you can shake a stick at, what a lucky thing she is. Soon I'll be big enough to play with Skullsplitter the Barbarian Baby Bear as well, that'll be so cool!

Well I thought I was going to have to give it up and miss Mummy at bedtime tonight, as normally on Thursday night she goes to the pub to see her friend Dan, but as luck would have it he was doing an early shift today and Mummy had forgotten, so she suddenly got a phone call at 6.15 and went rushing out of the door after realising she was very late indeed. So what this meant was that she would be back at 7.30 instead of 9.30.

I was so chuffed I forgot to be a total pain in the bum with my next feed and fell asleep with it. Damn!

Mummy came back from the pub as she was supposed to, but her tummy was feeling very wobbly and so she couldn't snuggle me. So here she was, unexpectedly available, and I couldn't take advantage of it. I was really, really not impressed and I let Daddy know about it in no uncertain terms. I think even he didn't know some of the ruder Shriek words I was using. In the end he had to sit me down in front of the Pretties he sometimes puts on the puter for me so I could watch them dance in time to his noisy music and play with the keyboard.

Its amazing how many times I could hit just the right keys to mess up his listening pleasure.

However, despite the setback of Mummy's tummy I was determined to have my last feed with her, so I decided to be a real pain for Daddy so she would offer to take me instead. And my cunning plan worked really well too, as that's exactly what happened. However by the time my feed had finished Mummy's special telly programme with all the dead people and the lady whose boots Daddy is always admiring in it had started, so I was denied my bedtime Mummy snuggles and had to settle for Daddy instead.

I tried to fight the sleep, but my heart just wasn't in it. My little cot is just too comfy for words, and I'd defy anyone not to crash out in it. So as Daddy types this I will be fast asleep, waking up between now and the morning only to yell blue murder should I decide I want the dummy back if it has dissappeared from the vicinity.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Mummy Passed The Test, And Will Remain Nothing Like Galadriel

I went to the library with Daddy yesterday. Mummy needed to get prepared for her Uber Driving Theory Test Of Doom and I was being a bit of a mimper because I knew she was going out soon and wouldn't be back for a long time, so he strapped me into the Tank and off we went, leaving her to stress in peace.

Daddy seems to know a lot of people in Christchurch. It seems like every two minutes we were stopping to chat with pregnant ladies, older ladies, ladies with children and even the lady behind the counter in the library started handing him things when we were in there. Daddy ummed and aahed and wasnt sure whether or not to tell Mummy that the pregnant lady's baby was actually overdue but her bump only looked like Mummy's did at about four months.

When he did later on, Mummy just said 'I hate you' and walked off in a huff. Daddy should have resisted the temptation, but then Daddy is really, really bad at that.

Anyway, after we got back from our walk I had a little sleep after crashing out in the Tank, which is definitely more comfy than the ones Grandad used to drive by all accounts. When I woke up Mummy still wasn't home. I was so outraged that I completely refused to nosh the feed Daddy gave me and I think he felt a bit stressed that I hadn't had any lunch. Neither had he of course, serves him right for not getting Mummy back quicker.

However Daddy is nothing if not persistent, and he calmed me down and stopped me screaming my head off eventually and got me a fresh bottle. I suddenly realised there was a big hole in my tummy where the milk should be and actually noshed this one. I think Daddy felt quite chuffed.

In the middle of that feed Mummy rang in with good news - she scored 95% on her test! Daddy was very pleased for her and when we finished the feed he gave me a burping and then stood me on the desk in front of him and we did a little victory dance to Adrenalin O.D.'s version of the Baby Elephant Walk. This, however, shifted what was also part of the reason I hadn't wanted the first feed.

One poopy nappy change later (and my wasn't Daddy lucky that Mummy came in part way through to stop me flinging myself happily about and making things considerably harder than they needed to be) and it was shading towards one of the favourite parts of my day - Amber Time!

Whenever Daddy can, he goes down to the bus stop to pick up my big sister from there so he can have some nice time with her as she walks back and find out how her day at Big Big School has been. Today however she had forgotten her bus fare so Mummy took me in the car to pick her up so daddy could get on with some housework. But even though I didn't really feel like a drive, Mummy made me go with her anyway. How dare she not take the hint of nearly an hour's solid screaming?

Later on and Mummy was nursing a headache which had mysteriously appeared during the ride to Amber's school. Because we were now having a mild evening, Daddy took me out the back garden in my yellow blanky and Amber came out with us. At first Daddy pretended he couldn't find her by always turning away from her and making her do really silly things to stay in our sight. This made me giggle a lot.

Then Daddy decided to do his best impression of a man called Davidattunburr. He put on a very breathless and silly voice and pretended to be hunting Amber, only he called her the 'very rare Lesser Grinning Idjit' and said she could be tracked by her spoor of coats, purses and pencil cases. Amber tried very hard to be outraged but ended up not being able to help giggling in the end. It seems my sissy is being a bit careless with some of the things she takes to school, and Daddy is getting a bit miffed off with her about it.

We had a really good time out in the garden. When we got back in however I made really sure that there would be no escape to hockey practice for Mummy and her headache, no sir! So I detonated a serious Size Seven in my nappy, which then exploded out onto my leg. And so Mummy helped Daddy by holding my little tentacles away from my bottom. By the time we were done and I had screamed a bit more it was late enough and Mummy's head was banging enough that she blew out hockey practice, yay for me!

So at bedtime I got Mummy cuddles even though I wasn't supposed to - I think I'm getting rather good at this...

Beaches, Buggies, More Shiny Things, Apologies And Shameless Plugging

I walked the beach to Granny and Grandad's today! Yep, I got to do that thing that Daddy and Amber often do but Mummy will never do.

Well, I say walked, what that means obviously is that Daddy pushed me along in the Tank for ages and ages and I got to enjoy sun, sea and sand. Bits of it must have hurt as well, cos even though the Tank is an all-terrain vehicle with big wheels and suspension and all that jazz, its still not easy pushing a quarter-ton of buggy and baby through soft sand for several hundred metres, which is what Daddy had to do when we got to the bit where Amber and Daddy normally play chicken with the tide (and Amber loses, bless her).

Pity in many ways that I slept through most of it really.

I missed the Big Digger doing its digging too, Daddy says. I reckon I would have liked that a lot. Ah well, maybe next time. What I did manage to see was the two Coastal Protection chappies and their doggy. Their doggy is a big black doggy, and Amber and Daddy met them before when they were having a tea break by the bench Amber and Daddy had a rest on.

You see Amber and Daddy were admiring the doggy, who was sat behind their van. Then the two men started the engine and Daddy jumped up and yelled at them because he thought they were going to leave the doggy behind or even worse maybe run her over! But it turns out that she is used to them doing this and she runs along the promenade behind the van all day when they are working. She looked like a very good runner when Daddy pointed her out to me.

The waves were really pounding in, and Daddy kept trying to get me to look out at the sea. But I preferred looking up at the cliffs, because Daddy told me they have loads and loads of wild bunny rabbits in them. Apparently the bunnies make loads of burrows in the lower slopes of the cliffs (and trust me, there's a good reason why the place Granny and Grandad live is called 'Highcliffe'). I was a bit disappointed when we couldn't spot any, but then again Daddy was looking out over the sea and being all awestruck and wussy so he probably wouldn't have seen anything if ten of them had stood on the slopes and recited Pocoyo scripts with a bullhorn.

Once we reached the end of the promenade we had to go up the roadway that the Diggers and the Coastal Protection people use to get down to the beach. It is very steep indeed and Daddy was looking a little...red when we reached the end.

When we got to Granny's she cooked Daddy his favourite lunch - boiled egg sandwiches. We sat in the dining room like civilised folk in Grandad's computer chair and I demonstrated my alien superstrength by managing to grab and pull the entire tablecloth with everyone's lunch on it several inches towards me. I'd have had the whole lot down if Daddy hadn't stopped me, the big spoilsport.

I actually let Grandad have a good cuddle today for once. It was only when he put me higher up to lay my head on his shoulder that I realised that Daddy had strayed at least six feet away from me. I wasn't having any of that nonsense so I let the bottom lip wobble like the opening note of a dodgy folk song, then let rip.

Daddy cuddles are just better.

Later on Mummy came over to Granny's after finishing her revision for the day. She and Daddy took me to see the other purveyor of the shiny things, not-Auntie-Christine. She is the lady that sold Amber her huge poster of 75 gemstones when Amber was only about five and was really amazed at how much she already knew about shiny things. She has a huge black doggy called Hendrix who is sometimes in the shop and is really sweet.

Unfortunately I wasn't...brilliantly behaved, let's say. After a few minutes of cooing Mummy took me over to see some of the gemstones in the thick glass containers just in case there happens to be one or two that Amber actually doesn't have, and I managed to get hold of the Carnelian container and sort tip them all onto the floor. A bit.

Daddy did that thing where his eyebrows go up at Mummy and explained that it might be a bit better if I wasn't allowed within tentacle's reach of anything grabbable. So Mummy handed me over to him and he showed me more shiny things. From a distance.

Thing was, I was feeling a bit hard done by. It was only one container full after all, its not like they were really shiny, after all. So I decided to show my displeasure with a nice big chunder. All over Daddy's arm. And down his trousers. And on the carpet too.

Mummy and Daddy were very embarassed and very apologetic. So they should be too, not letting me play with all the shininess! So we went back to Granny's and went home to await the return of Amber so we could tell her all about our day.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Daddy's Note: The store in question is Precious Pebbles, and the owner has always made time for Amber and explained/discussed mining and extraction processes, markets, artificial growing and all kinds of technical stuff to her from a very early age, when a lot of proprietors might have been completely disinterested in engaging with a small child. She has given us many discounts and directed us to new and rare stones to add to Amber's collection, and has enhanced her education in her Gemology/Geology hobby no end. So if you are looking for something shiny to give for Christmas, please click the link and I am sure you will agree you could do a lot worse than this as a way to say thanks on our behalf. And also, sorry about the chunder on the carpet.

Shiny Things

Mummy and Daddy took me to Christchurch today, and we bought lots of stuff - apples and grapes from the fruity people, sweeties from the sweety stall for the Charity stall my big sister is running this week at her big school, and Daddy even got a huge bread thingy with loads of really unhealthy food in it from the burger van. It was even Mummy's idea, because she needed to go straight off to the pub to sit and do tons of revision for her special test on Wednesday as soon as we were done and there was no way I was going to let Daddy cook anything properly today.

My toothies are really getting at me this week. I am not letting anyone get away with any of that fancy 'leisurely meal' business, no sir. I want my comfort cuddles when I want my comfort cuddles, and delaying tactics like sleeping are not going to be an obstacle if I can help it.

Anyway, while we were there we went to see my friend Christine. She works in the place with all the pretty shiny things in it, and she is one of my biggest fans. She always gives me cuddles and coos over me for ages.

Christine is also my big sister's friend, in fact when she started working at the shiny things shop Amber taught her lots of things about the shiny things - what their names are, where they come from, how they are dug out of the ground and all that. She is named after a shiny thing, after all.

Once a few years ago, Amber made Christine a special drawing with lots of the shiny things in it. Now it lives in a special folder Christine uses for all her college work and she takes it in whenever she has a special test like the one Mummy's having this week. She says it's her good luck charm.

Not long after Amber made Christine the special good luck drawing, Christine gave Amber a huge piece of this shiny stuff that hadn't been properly cut to be supershiny. It's bigger than my hand! Awesome huh?


My big sister is super-clever. I think she knows everything there is to know about the shiny things, and one of her books about them weighs as much as I do, and it's nearly as big, too.

The best part is that she actually has hundreds of the shiny things upstairs in special cases. She even has a special shiny thing that isn't actually that shiny but has to stay inside its case because its poisonous and no one can touch it! Its called Wulfenite and its really funny looking.


She has a poster with seventy-five (!) different shiny things on it and she already has a piece of nearly 60 of the 75, how cool is that? One day she wants to own one of every single thing on it. She'll probably do it too, she is very persistent about this kind of thing.

Daddy's favourite is a piece of green quartz from a place called Madagascar. He loves to look at that piece nearly as much as Amber does.

Anyway after all that shiny things talk I am off to sleep now. I hope my toothies don't make me start howling at 1am again. And 2am as well. And 3...well, you get the picture.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Birthday Girl

It was my big sister's actual birthday today, she is 12 years old. Daddy says he can't believe she has survived this long without bodily dismemberment by her closest relative i.e. him. Though I always thought bodily dismemberment was Syco's job. Certainly that suicidal Robin Redbreast coming back to play in the garden again today must be a prime candidate for the full treatment.

My big sister had lots of presents to open today, mostly from Mummy and Daddy. They bought her books and crossword puzzles and DVDs and some funny socks with skulls on. Aunty Hayley from all the way in London bought her a DVD, my Great-Aunty Jayney and Great-Uncle Bob bought her this very woolly coat thingummy, for a minute I thought they'd skinned a sheep and sent it in the post. Granny Butterworth sent her lots of money for new clothes, Great-Auntie Avril sent her a cool scrapbook and Granny and Grandad themselves just sent her lots of money to spend on whatever she likes!

Tomorrow Grandad Jonathan and Granny She are coming down all the way from Yorkshire. That's the place with all the hills Daddy's absolutely not allowed to make jokes about, ever, on pain of pain. I'm sure they will bring her a cool present too.

Amber seemed a bit stressed tonight, Birthday or not she had lots of homework and she was having trouble with a poem about a parrot. She also had to clean out Syco's hutch, which must be a very messy job what with all the bunny weewee, poo pellets and pieces of cat. But we had lots of playtime at bedtime while Daddy made my feed and then later on wrestled with her duvet cover after washing her sheets today. She even chilled me out and made me giggle when I was howling at waking up after falling asleep in the back garden with Daddy. I must have been tired, I almost never do that. It was a special night too, the first time I had been outside while it was cold enough for my breath to steam. Yay for my super yellow Blanky!

I made sure I stayed up for Mummy's return from seeing her friend Dan at the pub by the simple expedient of detonating another Size Six in my nappy in mid-feed. I think Daddy is getting a bit unamused by the late night poopoos. But I got my Mummy cuddles at bedtime, so I think I can live with his crushing disappointment.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Cooing Party

A strange thing happened last night. Mummy and Daddy put together a special surprise for me at my big sister's school. They got hundreds of Mummies and Daddies together in the Hall to come and coo over me! Wasn't that nice?

Granny and Grandad came over to look after Amber while we were gone and we drove off to the school in the dark. I spent a lot of time looking around at all the lights from the cars and streetlights and the like. When we got there I was confused when Daddy got me in my coat and out of the car because normally when we go to Amber's school I stay in the car and wait for her to come out. This time she didn't come out because she was already at home, and I got to go in!

Well, what a gathering. There were hundreds of Mummies and Daddies, and lots of banners with the grown-up 'rytin' on. I'm not sure but I guess they must have said 'Welcome Lulu' or something like that.

Lots of Mummies and Daddies smiled at me as we walked through the crowd, and some of them stopped Mummy and Daddy so they could have a quick coo. Frankie's Mummy was there too, and she cooed a lot and said how big I'd got even in the last few weeks since she'd seen me.

Mummy and Daddy talked to some of the Mummies and Daddies for quite a long time, especially the ones with the big badges on. But here was the funny thing - whenever Mummy and Daddy talked to the people with the big badges, all they seemed to want to talk about was my big sister! I hardly got a mention at all, it was most annoying.

I was still miffed about this when we left the school, and decided to be really crabby in the car on the way home. Unfortunately Mummy went straight off to hockey practice when we got home so I couldn't continue to vent at her, but once Granny and Grandad had gone home and Amber had gone to bed I decided to let Daddy feel the full force of my displeasure by refusing to touch half my last feed and then detonating a very pasty Size Seven in my nappy. Late night pooing, that's the new way to assert myself, yeah baby!

Hopefully now Mummy and Daddy have learned their lesson and next time they throw me a party they won't be rude enough to talk about how my big sister's doing at school instead of how wonderful and cute I am.