Of Relatives And Restaurants

I was pleased to receive a special Award from Mummy and Daddy last week. It was Best Behaved Baby Girl In A Restaurant Ever (Nine Months Category). I am teh Big Girl!

Yep, Grandad B and Granny She came down all the way from Yorkshire to see me, and finally persuaded Mummy and Daddy to abandon their 'no Lulu in restaurants because it isn't fair on the other customers' policy for teatime. So off we went for teatime at the Somerford, and were ushered to the far end of the restaurant to sit round a big round table for our dinner after a bit of a wait.

The highchair the nice lady bought for me was blue, and very open indeed. Not that I can't find ways to circumvent the straps on my own chair at home if I feel like it, but this one made it really easy! However I tipped my hand a bit too soon for my own good with an attempt at the floor, so Mummy tightened up the straps, really tight. I couldn't even get both my feet up on the food tray or anything.

As grownup food takes a while to cook and it was already my dinnertime, Mummy asked the lady to bring me some bread while we waited. So everyone else watched me eat, and looked all envious as I munched my way steadily through a couple of slices of bready goodness. In fact I've taken to plain bread so much now that I keep stealing Daddy's when he has broth for lunch...

Soon however my food arrived. I had a kiddywiddy portion of fish bites, chips and beans, and it was really yummy. Daddy says food always tastes better when someone else cooks it, Mummy says that's just because his cooking isn't very good...

Mummy had a nice healthy salad as she usually does, Amber and Grandad B had the giant Burger thingies, Granny She had a traditional haddock and chips, and Daddy had the Mixed Grill, a meal he describes as being able to make your arteries go "Kerchuuung" just by looking at it for too long. I didn't catch what all of its ingredients were, but there was definitely meat involved. Lots and lots of meat.

Thing was, I didn't go true to form. In fact Daddy wryly remarked that I ate much more neatly and tidily than I do when he feeds me at home. Everyone, the waitress and even the people at the next table (except for the teenage girl who kept worrying loudly about how she looked and if her hair was nice - she was really annoying) said how well I was behaving. And I was quiet too, no shrieking, no yelling or trying to wrench the tray free from the chair - which yes I have to admit is something I do quite often at home.

Unfortunately there was a very naughty boy a few tables down who was much bigger than I am who made far more noise. He was being really mean to his brother and his Mummy didnt seem to want to do much about it, and when she did tell him off he started fake coughing really, really loudly until she stopped. Daddy quietly made a very cutting remark about how well behaved I was by comparison, can't say I blame him really.

Try not to let the glare from my halo hurt your eyes there.

After you have your grownup meal at a restaurant, you can have your pudding as well. Daddy got some pie, Amber had some ice cream and Grandad B and Granny She shared a huge ice cream and even gave me some - my first ever taste of ice cream. It was so yummy I even forgot that I'm not supposed to let anyone who isn't Mummy, Daddy or Amber hold me for more than two minutes and let Granny She hold me the whole way through pudding time!

Once we were done we said goodnight to Grandad B and Granny She and Mummy drove us home, and then she went back to have more time with them. Poor Mummy does miss them very much, she is always upset when they have to leave again and wishes they could be with us for longer.

In the morning I was supposed to get an early breakfast so I could leave room for a brunch (which is like my Tenses used to be before Daddy started giving me my toast instead of a bottle first and then cut them out of our day, the meanie), but wouldn't you know it, I decided to lie in for ages and eat every last crumb of my toast as well, so when everyone else was sitting down salivating at the thought of a nice brunch I wasn't that hungry, so I settled for a slice of Daddy's bread and one of his Hash Browns.

Brunch was at a place called the Cliffhanger. It sits on top of the cliffs that Highcliffe (where Granny and Grandad Williams live) is named after. You can also see Naish, where the famous Conception takes place, from there as well, and even the bits where the cliffs on that side have all collapsed. If it happened this side as well Granny and Grandad would be living in Crumblecliffe or Fallencliffe instead.

Once upon a time Daddy used to walk the whole way from Highcliffe to Barton-on-Sea along the beach. Now you literally can't do that any more because the cliffs have collapsed and jutted so far out into the sea. It started happening during the winter Granny and Grandad moved down, which just happened to be the stormiest winter for decades - bad timing on their part there...

Naish is smaller now than it was back then. This is because it owns the land the collapsing cliffs are part of, and during the scary stormy winter some of its holiday apartments actually fell down the cliffs! I kid you not, there used to be thirty-foot pipe sections jutting out of the cliff wall a few years back, and to this day there is a roadway that used to lead to those apartments which just...ends. Yes, there is a sign and stuff but its still a bit scary, frankly!

Anyway, once again I was a little angel. I really have got this whole eating out business down to a fine art now, I rock at it! In fact I could put certain much bigger people than I to shame, Daddy says. Even when I had finished and should theoretically have been getting ready for my midday nap by getting all snippy, I was still a little angel as long as I was still getting Daddy snuggles. Besides they have a huge mirror behind the bar which kept me entertained for ages :)

However after brunch it was the sad time again (see above). Mummy was very upset about Granny She and Grandad B having to leave, so she went back to the house while Daddy and Amber walked me up to see Granny and Grandad Williams for a nice visit. After an hour or so Mummy came over there too and we had another first - I graciously let Granny and Grandad babysit me for a whole ten minutes while Mummy and Daddy went to look at carpets round the corner. Yes, Amber was there too and her and Granny were sat down on the rug with me and a whole box full of toys, and yes, I didn't realise that Mummy and Daddy had pulled a fast one and slipped out until they were actually backa agin, but that's not the point. It was technically genuine babysitting time, so there's another milestone crossed...

So that was my last week's midweek, you might say. Good food, great rellies and lots of polishing the old halo. It's not a bad old life really, when you think about it.

The Coughing Cavalier And The Fairy Dressmaker

Mummy isn't very well. She has a nasty cough and is all snuffly. Because of this she hasn't slept in the bedroom for two nights. It's miffed me right off because Daddy just isn't as good at popping my dummy back in and patting me back off to sleep when I howl at the moon. Plus of course with Mummy not there, there isn't anyone to poke him in the ribs and stop his snoring. Terrible it is, like a warthog being dragged through a threshing machine.

On Friday afternoon Daddy and Amber took me to Granny and Grandad's along the beach in the Tank. I was already in a crabby mood however, after Daddy did a great big sneeze before we got in the car down to Mudeford Quay and made me jump. And Yell. A lot. So I was already feeling seriously snippy and eventually Daddy had to take me out of the Tank and carry me for half a mile or so until we reached the part where we have nowhere else we can go but the Beach.

Well, I wasn't best pleased to get put back in for that part, no sir. I howled, but Daddy was his usual awkward self and strapped me in anyway. This might be because he knows me very well, and knows that after about one flat minute of jouncing and bouncing on the sandy beach, I'll go to sleep for sure. And I did, too.

When I woke back up later on after Daddy had managed to maneouvre the Tank over the sand, he seemed to be a lot redder than before. Funny that. Still, he says it helped keep him warm after shaving his head about 15 minutes before we set out. Maybe that was why I saw his scalp turning blue.

We didn't stay at Granny's too long after Daddy and Amber had their lunch there, with me naturally sat on Daddy's knee and making all possible effort to either a) pull the mat and everything on it off the table or at the very least b) give Daddy indigestion. Ah well, at least one out of two isn't bad.

On Friday night it was Halloween, but as Daddy was out Gaming with Uncle Julian and Amber was at Granny's, there was no trick or treating going on. Besides, Daddy used to take Halloween quite...seriously, and he thinks that only new people knock on the door now on account of the things he has done to trick or treaters in previous years. My big sister says that not many people dare to pick marshmallows off the point of a bloodstained kitchen knife and so they go where the pickings are a bit less fraught with nappy-wetting terror.

The first year Mummy moved down from Yorkshire, when trick or treaters knocked on the door Mummy would open it and run away screaming in fake terror while Daddy chased her with the kitchen knife and then dragged her back inside, still screaming. Anyone who knocked on the door a second time would get sweeties.

I do wonder about my Daddy sometimes.

Anyway, despite Mummy putting a big sign on the door asking people not to knock on the door after my bedtime, a very silly boy who was more than big enough to read the sign still did, and he really banged on it too. It made me stir, and Mummy was very annoyed. But as I subsided again, he banged on the door again even harder than the first time, and she opened it and said some mean but justifiable things to him and his mummy who was standing across the road. Something about having him spend a bit more time in school and learning to read instead of trick or treating I think it was. Daddy thought it was harsh, but also fair.

Yesterday Mummy managed to fight through the unbearable ickyness of being and went to play her first hockey match with her new team. She said she felt much less ill running around in a wet field than she did when she came back home. Daddy said she must be allergic to my sister, which earned him a ding from both of them. I really do wonder about my Daddy sometimes.

Last night's bathtime was great fun too. I managed some serious legkicking and got water over my sister, which was good stuff. But then Daddy had a bit of a moment with the talc and it kind of exploded out of the container in his face as Mummy had mixed them up and this one doesn't have solid sides. And judging by the amount of talc on his trousers, T-Shirt and face he must normally squeeze the solid one quite hard when he opens it up.

Really am wondering about Daddy now.

It got better though. I must have managed to loosen the plastic plug thingy on the bath just as Daddy lifted me out to dry me. So it was juuuuuuuust ready to pop out of place as poor Daddy lifted it off the floor.

I shall draw a polite veil over the proceedings in the next few moments. Let's just say I don't think I ever want to know what some of those grownup words mean.

Later on Mummy went off to a Halloween Party (just for an hour due to her ickyness) at her friend Sam's. She wore her short skull dress and her cool Vampire cloak that Aunty Fi made her. Who's Aunty Fi?


This is Aunty Fi. She is the bestest dressmaker ever. She made Mummy's wedding dress and makes all her own costumes for those LARP thingies Daddy likes to do, as well as other people's.

This is Mummy's Vampire Cloak that Aunty Fi made. Isn't it cool?


After she passed her driving test the first long trip Aunty Fi took was to come down here to sunny Christchurch to see me. She is one of the best cooers ever. Mummy and Daddy say they are very lucky that she is their friend. Apparently when they first met Daddy was a Dwarf and Aunty Fi was a fairy who had lost her kingdom in a game of Poker.

Still worrying quite a lot about Daddy actually.

It was at this Conception thingy that Mummy and Daddy met at. That's me in the picture that flashes up near the top of the screen on the website, by the way. Only you can't see me because I'm in Mummy's tummy still.

Well I'd better go off for my last feed now. I think poor Daddy is experiencing typing fatigue as I've been demanding enough that it's taken him most of the day to write this post. Bless.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Beaches, Buggies, More Shiny Things, Apologies And Shameless Plugging

I walked the beach to Granny and Grandad's today! Yep, I got to do that thing that Daddy and Amber often do but Mummy will never do.

Well, I say walked, what that means obviously is that Daddy pushed me along in the Tank for ages and ages and I got to enjoy sun, sea and sand. Bits of it must have hurt as well, cos even though the Tank is an all-terrain vehicle with big wheels and suspension and all that jazz, its still not easy pushing a quarter-ton of buggy and baby through soft sand for several hundred metres, which is what Daddy had to do when we got to the bit where Amber and Daddy normally play chicken with the tide (and Amber loses, bless her).

Pity in many ways that I slept through most of it really.

I missed the Big Digger doing its digging too, Daddy says. I reckon I would have liked that a lot. Ah well, maybe next time. What I did manage to see was the two Coastal Protection chappies and their doggy. Their doggy is a big black doggy, and Amber and Daddy met them before when they were having a tea break by the bench Amber and Daddy had a rest on.

You see Amber and Daddy were admiring the doggy, who was sat behind their van. Then the two men started the engine and Daddy jumped up and yelled at them because he thought they were going to leave the doggy behind or even worse maybe run her over! But it turns out that she is used to them doing this and she runs along the promenade behind the van all day when they are working. She looked like a very good runner when Daddy pointed her out to me.

The waves were really pounding in, and Daddy kept trying to get me to look out at the sea. But I preferred looking up at the cliffs, because Daddy told me they have loads and loads of wild bunny rabbits in them. Apparently the bunnies make loads of burrows in the lower slopes of the cliffs (and trust me, there's a good reason why the place Granny and Grandad live is called 'Highcliffe'). I was a bit disappointed when we couldn't spot any, but then again Daddy was looking out over the sea and being all awestruck and wussy so he probably wouldn't have seen anything if ten of them had stood on the slopes and recited Pocoyo scripts with a bullhorn.

Once we reached the end of the promenade we had to go up the roadway that the Diggers and the Coastal Protection people use to get down to the beach. It is very steep indeed and Daddy was looking a little...red when we reached the end.

When we got to Granny's she cooked Daddy his favourite lunch - boiled egg sandwiches. We sat in the dining room like civilised folk in Grandad's computer chair and I demonstrated my alien superstrength by managing to grab and pull the entire tablecloth with everyone's lunch on it several inches towards me. I'd have had the whole lot down if Daddy hadn't stopped me, the big spoilsport.

I actually let Grandad have a good cuddle today for once. It was only when he put me higher up to lay my head on his shoulder that I realised that Daddy had strayed at least six feet away from me. I wasn't having any of that nonsense so I let the bottom lip wobble like the opening note of a dodgy folk song, then let rip.

Daddy cuddles are just better.

Later on Mummy came over to Granny's after finishing her revision for the day. She and Daddy took me to see the other purveyor of the shiny things, not-Auntie-Christine. She is the lady that sold Amber her huge poster of 75 gemstones when Amber was only about five and was really amazed at how much she already knew about shiny things. She has a huge black doggy called Hendrix who is sometimes in the shop and is really sweet.

Unfortunately I wasn't...brilliantly behaved, let's say. After a few minutes of cooing Mummy took me over to see some of the gemstones in the thick glass containers just in case there happens to be one or two that Amber actually doesn't have, and I managed to get hold of the Carnelian container and sort tip them all onto the floor. A bit.

Daddy did that thing where his eyebrows go up at Mummy and explained that it might be a bit better if I wasn't allowed within tentacle's reach of anything grabbable. So Mummy handed me over to him and he showed me more shiny things. From a distance.

Thing was, I was feeling a bit hard done by. It was only one container full after all, its not like they were really shiny, after all. So I decided to show my displeasure with a nice big chunder. All over Daddy's arm. And down his trousers. And on the carpet too.

Mummy and Daddy were very embarassed and very apologetic. So they should be too, not letting me play with all the shininess! So we went back to Granny's and went home to await the return of Amber so we could tell her all about our day.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Daddy's Note: The store in question is Precious Pebbles, and the owner has always made time for Amber and explained/discussed mining and extraction processes, markets, artificial growing and all kinds of technical stuff to her from a very early age, when a lot of proprietors might have been completely disinterested in engaging with a small child. She has given us many discounts and directed us to new and rare stones to add to Amber's collection, and has enhanced her education in her Gemology/Geology hobby no end. So if you are looking for something shiny to give for Christmas, please click the link and I am sure you will agree you could do a lot worse than this as a way to say thanks on our behalf. And also, sorry about the chunder on the carpet.

My Busy Day

We never found the salesman, in the end. Daddy seemed a bit dissappointed. I looked and looked from my little car seat when we went down to Mudeford Quay this morning, but I just couldn't see him.

When we got to the Quay we did just about my favourite thing ever - feeding the birdies. At Mudeford there are the big white ones with the wings that are twice the size of me, and the little ones that go quack a lot and stay clear of the big white ones, and of course the best ones - the shrieky white ones that snatch the bread right out of the air and hover in front of me almost close enough to touch.

I say almost because no matter how hard I try, Daddy never lets me get quite close enough to grab one to take home and play with. It'd be great to have my own birdie to speak Shriek with, but the little guys never seem to want to let me cuddle them, even when I stick out my little arms, kick my little legs and use my most persuasive Shriek speeches. I can feel the beat of their wings on my little face, but they always fly off a bit just when I think I can get one of them to be my new friend.

There are lots of people at the Quay. Some of them coo over me, and Mummy likes it. But when some of the old ladies ask how old I am, but they always seem to think I'm a boy, which is probably why Mummy keeps making me wear pink even though Daddy says she swore blind I was going to be a tomboy from the day I was born.

After we fed the birdies, Mummy took me home for my feed and Daddy and big sister Amber went off to walk the beach from Mudeford to Highcliffe (where my Granny and Grandad live) because Amber wanted to build a barrier to stop the sea coming in. When they got to Granny and Grandad's Amber had very wet feet and Daddy said it had worked really well except for the bits when the sea washed over it and it crumbled away.

Going to Granny's is sometimes fun. Sometimes I get lots of cuddles from Mummy and Daddy and they take me into the huge garden which has an actual wood at the end, yay the Grannygarden! I also get to sit in Granny's little house which lives in the Grannygarden and has very creaky chairs in it.

Sometimes it isn't fun. Sometimes they let Granny cuddle me, and I scream my freaking head off. Grandad thinks this is very funny, Mummy feels guilty and Daddy mutters about babies being scared of Dragons. I don't think he means Granny to hear, but he always seems to talk loudly enough for her to just about hear it, and she thumps him around the ear and he says 'ow' just like when Mummy does it.

Today was a fun day. I had lots of giggles in the little house in the garden with Mummy and Amber and Granny, while Daddy ate his lunch with Grandad. Mummy rolled her eyes and said they were talking about Pottylicks again, which doesn't make much sense because I've heard about potties, and I don't know why anyone would want to lick one, I mean really!

Then Mummy went inside and Daddy came out to cuddle me, and Amber ran away from a spider that was inside a bucket. I thought this was very funny, especially when Daddy pantomined the tiny spider jumping out and ripping Amber's face off and said not to worry, it was about the size of his fingernail and he could definitely beat it in a fair fight.

Then I had my feed and I fell asleep. When I woke up we were in the big place with all the people and the things to buy, and I smiled at everyone and they made Squee noises. I don't speak Squee yet, I think it must be for grownups only.

But my day wasn't over yet...after my next feed we went back to Mudeford again, joy! This time it was getting dark as we arrived, and we went to the harbour side of the Quay where there were lots and lots of swans, double joy!

Daddy counted 21 of them all trying to grab the bread off us and fight each other for it. Swans bite each others necks when they fight, they are mean birdies sometimes.

But there was also two ducks having a *huge* fight, Mummy even filmed it on the camera. I felt quite dizzy watching them go round and round in a big circle, flapping and quacking. The swans stopped eating our bread to watch them too, I think they were taking bets on the winner.

Daddy took pictures of Mummy and I kneeling down to feed them, then Mummy tried to use the timer on the camera to take some of all of us. But Daddy wouldn't stand still and kept being really silly when Mummy asked him to stand in a certain place with me. No matter how hard she tried to explain it to him, he seemed to keep getting it wrong. Amber thought it was very funny, and Daddy seemed to laugh a lot as Mummy got all annoyed with him. I wonder about my Daddy sometimes, I thought he was cleverer than that.


Then I went home and had a bath with Mummy, and then, and this is the funny thing, Daddy got all annoyed with her instead because she forgot everything for my bath - soap, shampoo, my ducks, my sponge, towels, everything! And Daddy seemed to get more and more miffed every time she asked him to bring up something new that she had forgotten. She whispered something to me about 'revenge' which is a funny word she uses a lot. So does Daddy in fact.

They both seemed to be a bit tired after all the excitement of the bath, so as I was having my last feed I decided to give them a nice big present to cheer them up and detonated a Size Four in my nappy. I'm sure they were very grateful.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.