My First Christmas Day

I did that Christmas thing for the first time a few days ago. It seemed to consist of rellies, shiny bright wrapping paper and lots of food. I think I liked the paper best - no offence to the rellies but they did move to Scotland after all and apparently that's bad. Certainly Daddy seems to get a little...cutting, when he refers to 'the whinging, leeching parasites', which he insists is the collective noun for a group of Scottish people.

(I am now sat on daddy's shoulders with my legs wrapped around his head, with my hands ripping at his hair. This is Mummy's way of ensuring there are typos unless Daddy stops typing and gets me undressed so she can run my bathwater.)

It started off like any other day - Daddy got me up for my first bottle, I noshed it, I fell asleep, he took me back to bed. But when we woke up my sissy got to come onto the bed and open a shiny present and a card with lots of special Gift Certificates in. That was new!

The Gift Certificates weren't like normal ones for buying stuff at Arghs and Weeweestones. They entitled Amber to special things like 'Kick Daddy off the computer for an hour' and 'Daddy cleans the rabbits out today'. She is biding her time with them though, I reckon she'll leave the bunny ones until it's raining so hard you can barely even look outside without wanting to dry off.

After I had my Tenses (which are like elevenses but a bit earlier, and a lot messier) and had the traditional screamy cleanup session after smearing myself thoroughly with nana as usual we went over to Granny and Grandad's. Once we got there we sat down in the living room and we really got down to present unwrapping in a very serious way.

I got books. I got toys. I got toys I can chew on, including a strange crabby thing with lots of little nobbly bits and a bit you can push to squeak. That was my favourite of all. It has hardly left my side, or my mouth for that matter. I have really enjoyed dribbling all over it.

The best bit was of course the wrapping paper. I lost count of how many times I gobbed my dummy out and then had it popped back in again before I could nosh some of it down - anything that pretty and shiny just has to taste good, right? I swear I only left a nanosecond between the dummy coming out and paper going in, but Mummy and Daddy were always there to make sure it didn't happen. They are annoyingly efficient sometimes, it really hacks me off!

I had a whole new load of things to chew on through the day, but the best teeth-related part of it was the lunch. It was my very own portion of Granny's special roasty dinner - chicken, sausage, veggies, taters and special Baby Gravy. Sure it took me twice as long as everyone else to plough through it but at least I wasn't groaning under the strain of not throwing up like everyone else seemed to be. I paced myself, see?

Granny doesn't half do a massive spread. Daddy said he'd go and pick the bones of the chicken after we were done so it didn't go to waste, but this most definitely didn't happen, in fact it looked more like we'd be picking his bones up off a stretcher by the time he'd noshed a couple of mince pies after the main course. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

After such a huge nosh I had to have a good kip, but I was determined to stick around for more presents so Daddy had to take me into the little bedroom where Amber stays when she is at Granny's away from everyone else, and rock me off to sleep. I stayed down on him for ages, but oddly when I woke up I was on Mummy. I think she gets a little jealous when I am asleep on Daddy sometimes, but stealing me off him when I'm asleep is a bit much.

I was feeling so well disposed after all this noshing and napping that I even let Grandad cuddle me for, oooh, must have been a whole two minutes. Scary, huh? I definitely must have been filled up with that Christmas spirit that's in all those films Mummy keeps insisting we watch lately on the telly. As well as the sausage.

As time drew close for teatime though we decided to go home to give me my tea. This decision was slightly influenced by Mummy and Daddy's realisation that they had managed to leave the bag with my bottles in at home...so off we went back to our little house for tea.

Inevitably however one of Amber's special christmas pressies hadnt made it to Granny's, and it turned out that Mummy and Daddy had hidden it at the bottom end of my cot so well that they had forgotten where they had actually put it. About par for the course really, that.

When we did eventually open the present, it was the DVD of a film called the Dark Knight, and it had a very funny looking man in a black suit with small bunny ears on who seemed to be very upset all the time. The other person in it was a very strange man with makeup on, who talked in a funny voice in the bits I could see. Daddy says soon I will start 'getting' films, and won't be able to watch as much telly as I do now.

(Today a funny thing happened. My sister was being a bit of a sulkydraws and Daddy went up to her and licked his lips in a funny way, then said "Why so serious?" in exactly the same voice as the man with the makeup on from the film! Amber raised her eyebrows at him, and they went even higher when he started crowing about how well he had done the impression. I got the distinct impression from her that she wanted to find the makeup stick the man in the film used and insert it where the sun doesn't shine, even from my radiant Daddy.)

So that was my first Christmas. I got to see Granny and Grandad, and even the people who gave us their old high chair which I now sit in for dinnertime popped in from over the road to pay homage to the awesome wondrousness that is me, so Mummy and Daddy could say thank you in person for them giving it to us. A proper old cooing fest, all things considered.

I think I am still full of Christmas spirit, you know. I gave Mummy the present of a huge weewee all over her this morning when she changed me as Daddy got my morning bottle ready downstairs, so I know my generosity still hasn't diminished just yet...

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Stealing The Food Right Out Of My Mouth

The carrot and coriander Stix were 'too thin', she said at lunch. "They keep snapping," she told Daddy.

"She's had loads of food already," she said at teatime. "So I'll just finish what she can't manage," she told Daddy.

Daddy observed rather drily that it was her who had decided how big my portion of the roasty dinner was going to be, and how convenient it was that there was plenty leftover for Mummy to top up with.

Daddy says it must be revenge because I ate her watch two days ago. Weeeell, he says I must have eaten it, because Mummy let me play with it and then it was...gone. I also haven't pooped since yesterday morning, which he says is probably because I can't pass one or two of the trickier parts of the mechanism just yet.

Mummy thumped him for being so gross, so he then sung the 'I Ate Mummy's Watch' song. A lot. So she threatened him with a whisk, and he ran back into the front room with me.

I'm not saying what I really did with the watch, hehehe. Maybe I will let her have it back if she makes nice and stops nicking my nosh.

Be warned, babies of the world. My Mummy will steal it right out your mouth.

Mummy's Ebay Obsession Goes A Bit Too Far

My Super-duper Sister

My sister is cool. It's official. She is settling into all the huge amount of travelling she has to do to and from her new school really well, Mummy and Daddy say they love how grown up she is about getting all those buses. Some days she is up before I am!

Mummy and Daddy took me to her Parents Evening at the school a couple of weeks ago. We saw three of her teachers - her History teacher, her English teacher and her Science teacher. The Science Teacher is the one who has put her onto the idea of doing the Astronomy GCSE after finding out how much heavy stuff like Planetary Formation she did when Daddy used to homeschool her. She also said that she should look forward to next term because there will be lots of practical experiments which is one of the things she likes best.

We found out just what brainboxes the children who got into her school are though - her SATS mark for Science was the best in her whole Year when she left and that only placed her joint fourth in her class to start the Year off with - and there are five classes!

Daddy says this means she will have to Really Work For It to be top of the class now. He says that a lot, now I come to think of it. I think she must get it by now, surely? She is clever enough to have got into the school after all...

Amber's History teacher thinks she is ace too. She says she gets top marks in the work that's supposed to be most difficult for children of her age, which is the kind that involves Research and Evaluation. And next term she is going to be looking at how History gets written, and how people can sometimes rewrite it to suit their own purposes...kind of like Daddy wants to keep this Blog in archive so when I tell my children what a well-behaved little girl who slept through the night I was he can snigger and tell them what a big fat liar I am.

The other day, Amber came home really pleased because she got two merits from her History teacher, for two things written about what Daddy calls '1066 and all that'. The first one was written from the point of view of Harold Godwinson and was so funny that her teacher wrote that it made her cry laughing in her History book, how cool is that?

"Dear Diary,

William is on my black list. Big time! I know I sort of, well, did break my promise, but he doesn't have to invade to show he is upset. I mean, why can't he send a nice little letter explaining how he feels about the situation? He needs serious anger management classes. I am so going to kick his bu - his behind."

Daddy thought that the idea that William of Normandy needs anger management is very funny. But just to show that she can write deadly serious things too, my sissy also did a thing about the Battle of Hastings which Daddy says is really gritty and atmospheric.

"We are losing. Normans litter the ground and the deadly Saxons continue the slaughter. Suddenly, we Normans start retreating and the Saxons, blood crazy, run after them. I limp away, my leg wound starting to open wider and bleed.

Then our archers shoot a volley of arrows, unexpectedly, and many Saxons fall down dead. We suddenly start to move forward, fighting again. I feel weaker than ever, my leg covered in my own blood..."

Oooooooo. Scary, huh? And a bit yucky too, now I come to think of it.

I will translate Amber's military memoirs into Yell, Shriek and Red-Faced Strain when I am older and Daddy actually lets me on the puter without handcuffs, on account of me having issues with messing up the laptop once upon a time (I managed to start Defragmenting it which was quite amusing because Mummy doesn't actually know how to do it herself).

But seriously, how cool is my sister? Her writing rocks the world. When I grow up I will be a cool writer just like her, though I will write about milk and nappies and how cute Piglet is more often than she does.

She is my super-duper sister, and we all think she is the coolest big sister ever.

Party Party Party

Tis the season to be jolly, and get presents from Auntie Holly, and other things ending in olly. Plus Mummy's birthday was on Sunday, so we had a party on Friday night to celebrate. Amber went to Granny's and lots of peeps came over to coo at me. Amongst others, Uncle Julian (he's one of my non-religious Godfather types) and Aunty Sue came over, and I even let her hold me for a little while without screaming. Wasn't I good?

Julian and Sue on my Naming Day

But the crown for the evening's 'holding the baby without the baby raising merry hell' award had to go to Ed for sheer persistence. Even when I kept mimping and looking at Daddy all imploringly as if to say 'how can you possibly leave me with this strange American for another second?' he just kept on playing with me and cuddling me. And in the end he got to snuggle me for a whole twenty minutes (!). Mummy and Daddy were amazed, not to mention mightily impressed.

Ed and I. I am reading him a story with lots of teething in it.

At first when it was Julian and Sue I was quite happy. But then for some reason lots of peeps arrived all at once, and everyone seemed to crowd into the kitchen where Daddy was holding me at the same time. I started feeling it was all a bit oppressive, but luckily Daddy saw it coming and took me out of there before I fully let fly. Apart from that I actually quite liked having lots of people there, they cooed and cooed and cooed and gave me lots and lots of attention. And if they weren't paying enough attention I just gave out a quick yell and that got them back where they should be, i.e. worshipping at my little feet.

Nutty Nate was there. He's the one Daddy and Julian started moshing with during Mummy and Daddy's wedding reception, suits and all. His luverly lady Kate was there too. She has uber-big hair, it is totally awesome and seems to get bigger every time we see her.

Nate and Kate at Mummy and Daddy's Wedding

Big Dave and his girlfriend Alex came too (Daddy doesn't seem to have any photy's of them, sorry) - I had to stay away from Alex though because she is a scary ill person. Daddy says she was a Plague Bearer and she didn't seem to argue with that one. She did make sure it was still OK to come over though which was very kind of her to do.

Big Dave is a super-clever person who knows loads and loads about the stars. My big sister wants to do GCSE Astronomy and he will says he will help her out loads and loads because he is only one more degree away from being a full Astronomer, which I think means he can look at a star and tell you what its called, how far away it is, and probably what it had for breakfast as well.

Also Rob (who Daddy keeps referring to as Jack Silver, after the bumbling Vampire he played in the game Daddy first met him in) was there. He is High Priest of the Temple of Prog, which sounds very grand indeed to me even though I don't know exactly what it's all about. But that's OK, because Daddy says no two people have ever managed to agree on exactly what being Prog means anyway.

Unfortunately for Mummy, because of people being ill, people related to people being ill, and people having to work late, none of what Daddy calls Mummy's 'girlie mates' made it over, so nearly everyone who was there was a gaming person. And those gamer peeps, my they do like to talk shop, so to speak. It's like another language really, though I'm one to talk I suppose what with my fluency in Yell, Shriek and Red-Faced Strain.

All in all despite the occasional moment when people didn't pay enough attention to me, and a bit too much gaming natter for the non-gamers present, it was a really great night. I even went to sleep near the end after exhausting myself with all this social stuff, despite a few people still being downstairs making noise.

I hope we do it all again for Mummy's 25th next year. I don't get to properly entertain nearly often enough.

Growing Up

So when I get big will this ickle baby moey...

Turn into this one?

I'm just asking.

Food Glorious Food

I don't like Goop. I really don't. It seemed to take Mummy and Daddy ages to figure this out, and even when they did it took Daddy a week of constantly badgering Mummy to make her give up on the enormous quantity of blended carrot she'd stored in the freezer for my mealtimes. But give up she did, and now I get lots of proper solid goodies, and Mummy says that when we got to Granny's on Christmas Day I will get my own little Christmas Dinner with non-salty Baby Gravy and everything! Only three days to go, I can't wait.

I have a super-duper big high chair, I feel so grown up when I sit in it. Daddy lays down the blue tarp thingy on the floor and then lifts the chair onto it, then he puts on my one of the special bibs with the pouch to catch dropped food in, sits next to me in his puter chair and passes me my nosh. And then picks it up when I drop it, unless my aim is good enough to get it all the way off the tarp of course.

My first feed of the day is still a nice carton of Number 3 milk, given by a somewhat bleary-eyed Daddy. I quite often go back off to sleep soon afterwards, or even while I am being burped, and sometimes Daddy takes me back to bed where I have Mummy snuggles and he can catch up for an hour too.

For my elevenses (or tenses depending on when I have my first feed) I have nana. Daddy cuts it into three, then slices the bits down the middle from top to bottom so I can grip them. For a given value of 'grip', obviously. Needless to say, this isn't the cleanest exercise in the world, and when I am finished I am usually a bit covered in sticky nananess where I have gummed it down to a sticky paste then swallowed, well, some of it anyway. Still, I am yumming it up which is the main thing.

After I have consumed my nana, I get half a Farley's Rusk to nosh. Daddy loved Rusks when he was a kiddywid and it's obviously been passed on via the old genepool because I nail them really well and manage most of it with only one or two hurls to the floor in the process. Daddy says having the tarp (the main part of which was used to make the cold-weather covers on the bunny hutches) and the ever-helpful Milton sprayto clean it off afterwards saves us a fortune in food...while I munch my rusk Daddy quickly makes my bottle up while I'm not looking (sneaky) and then he gets me all changed and cleans me up while it cools down.

I don't like the Being Cleaned Up part of this process. I just about tolerate it as long as the water on the flannel is nice and warm, but I still really hate it when Daddy puts it in between my fingers to get all the nanery (which Mummy says is a real word no matter what Daddy says) gunk out.

For my lunch I have my crunchy carrot Stix - they are really yummy and I can hold them better than the nana as they start off dry until I have munched on them for a while. Sometimes I go through five or six of these if I'm really hungry.

For tea I sometimes have apple, but Daddy doesn't like giving me that just yet as I try to swallow pieces that are a bit too big and I choked once, so he normally cooks me up some fresh broccoli instead. I hold the stalks and then kind of suck the florets off the top. Greeny goodness!

Of course, there is one thing about this newfound love of solid foods. The nappies.

Ah well. Can't have everything...

Goth Baby

Yep, I now have a proper all-black Goth Baby outfit. Now as I'm sure you'll all agree I look great in black, all I have to do is learn the lyrics to 'Bela Lugosi's Dead' and how to look all depressed and alienated when I'm out at the Under 1's Group and Daddy says it'll be official - I can drink the milk of the living and everything. Go me!

I Popped One!

And no, I meant a tooth, not one of the other things that seem to come out of my bottom at inconvenient times. Yes, as of three days ago Daddy noticed that the traditional gumming ritual felt a bit different, and sure enough there is a little white fang to be seen. It's only tidgy do far, but it is literally pushing out further every day. However this does mean that the Bonjela is being deployed more frequently than usual, and dribble levels are reaching flash flood proportions.

Mummy says I should probably wear a bib all day for the moment. Daddy says what the hell, just tie a small bucket around my neck and that way I've always got something to drink.

Now there's a real actual toothy in there Daddy has to be very careful that I don't actually bite down with the right tool for the job instead of just licking at the Bonjela-covered finger a lot. But I got him once already, hehehehe. You wait, Mummy and Daddy are so used to me grabbing the nearest available limb and slobbering all over it that they will keep forgetting that we've moved into new territory for a while. And I can giggle at way they keep crying 'owwwwwwww' every time I get them.

Ah, the parents of the baby, what sweet music they make...

Sitting Up Straight

I am now spending more time on the floor than before, because I am the big sitting up straight baby. Mummy sits me down amongst a nice pile of cushions with my toys, and I play with them until I get bored, sometimes not falling down for an entire minute or two. Granted, I can't actually sit myself up yet (though I am trying very hard and making the cutest noises in Red-Faced Strain) but I can stay up as long as I want once I'm there. It rocks.

I am also standing up rather well in my new Walker. Unfortunately this means that yes, I managed to kill off the old one. I just bounced and bounced in it too much and the seat started to come away from the frame. It was rather old anyway as it used to belong to my big sister and it had been up in the loft for ages, Mummy said, and if you bounce up and down on an old thing like that it is liable to break eventually.

I hope that doesn't mean that Daddy will break if I bounce up and down on him. He's getting on a bit too, you know.

My big sister's walker, 1997-2008.

Bad Daddy

Daddy is sorry.

Daddy is very sorry.

Daddy is very, very sorry.

Very sorry indeed that he hasn't updated the Lulu Blog for such a long time. In his defence, he has been busy listening to Mummy moan that he hasn't updated the Lulu Blog for such a long time.

He has also been busy writing this. He says he has never, ever written so much plot for a LARP. I think he's a bit tired, mentally speaking. And Mummy says he must be mental to write so much plot, though she helped quite a bit. He says some of her plot ideas were nearly as twisted as his, which I think is praise indeed.

Anyway, instead of writing one giant update, he is going to do lots of little ones to share the latest developments in my awesome life with you all while Mummy and Amber sing the Speckled Frogs song and the Bubble song to me. Granted this isn't exactly going to help his concentration, but I'm sure he'll manage...

Photy Goodness

"I've got the whole world, in my mouth, I've got the whole wide world, in my mouth..."

"Aaaarrrrrrrrr me hearties! I'm Toastbeard the Pirate, and ye'd better just hand over any valuables before I get ye with me spoon! Milk, nappies, teethin' rings, I'll be takin' it all!"

Pugilism And The Single Baby

This week I have been mostly learning how to sit up on my own for the first time, and also splitting Mummy's lip open and breaking her nose. It's a funny shape now but I'm sure it will grow back. It's not as if it hasn't been broken about nine times already.

Mike Tyson, eat your heart out. Eighteen years, and your milk is mine.

Gorgeous Cute Baby In Swan Horror!

Witnesses report that a brave Daddy heroically let a swan peck at his arm - twice - to prevent it from possibly doing the same to his cute, gorgeous, insomniac baby girl. It seems the Daddy and baby (with big sister) were at 'the bridges' in Christchurch when the swan decided to come out of the water and try to eat their lunches. When they failed to share it grew agitated and was only diverted by some of the duck's bread they had bought. However, our intrepid reporter has discovered that the swan then decided to try to sneak up on the stationary buggy just as the baby was being lifted out for the ritual Feeding of the Birdies, and came within a few inches of the baby's arms.

The Daddy then heroically placed his arm between the baby and the hissing, greedy swan and quickly unstrapped her and lifted her out whilst fending off the nasty swan. He was very brave and noble and wonderful and didn't tell our reporter to say that at all.

They say lightning doesn't strike twice, but our cute and gorgeous reporter's sources tell us that in this case this isn't true. These poor, brave people have been victims of multiple swan attacks on previous occasions.

"I don't know why they seem to target us," said the Daddy, shrugging his ruggedly handsome and noble face. "They must have just got to know our faces by now and that we always have lots and lots of bread because we love feeding the birdies so very very much. And they're such greedygrots that they don't want to wait for us to actually give them the bread."

Have you been a victim of a swan attack too? Are you worried by the possibility of escalating swan attacks? Send your swan attack horror stories to the Editor at tabloidbirdiefrenzies@lulunews.com.

Bournemouth Bournemouth Bournemouth

Yes Bournemouth, Lulu was back! You see my big sister had managed to leave her Peebag on the bus (still having trouble getting why she carries a bag of wee around to school three times a fortnight, but there you go) but luckily it had been handed in to the driver and so Mummy and Daddy took me into Bournemouth to get it and decided to make an afternoon of it.

I didn't want to go in the car at first, and had a righteous mimp about it. Well all right, to be precise I didn't want to have any clothes on at all and had a righteous mimp about that, and then had a righteous mimp about getting in my coat and the car seat. However Daddy cheered me up from the back seat by pulling silly faces at me and talking to me as usual and my mood soon improved.

When we got to Bournemouth we parked opposite one of Daddy and Amber's favourite places - the great big Ohdeeon. This is a place where you go to watch films on great big giant screens and you dont have to put tapes or DVDs in them first. Daddy and Amber used to go there on a Sunday morning to see lots of films because they did very cheap movie tickets for kiddiewid films. They even had an 'on the way to the cinema' song and everything!

After Daddy reminisced about the Ohdeeon we walked down to a bookshop called Waterstones and bought some books about children who have misplaced their things but take a while to find them, like "That's Not My Dragon" and "That's Not My Rabbit". I guess they must be for my sister as she is always losing things. Maybe there's one called "That's Not My Peebag".

I started to get a bit mimpy in Waterstones as Mummy got to the counter then asked about 10,000 more books. That's what Daddy said, anyway. She said it was only one or two but she was in there an awfully long time so Daddy wheeled me backwards and forwards outside untul she was done.

I was still a bit mimpy when we walked down to get Amber's peebag from the Yellow Bus office near the big Square. I soon got distracted though, as there were lots and lots of things to see. Every year in Bournemouth as December draws near there are lots and lots of new stalls that spring up outside, both in the Square and leading up Commercial Hill. They are all in neat wooden booths that look like mini-cabins, and they sell lots of food and drink and christmassy things for all the people that flood Bournemouth looking for presents at this time of year. People were just starting to put them up when we got there, so if we go back again before Christmas there will be lots and lots of cool food and shiny things to play with, yay Bournemouth!

After going to get the peebag and seeing the stalls being put up, we went inside a shopping mall on Commercial Hill. Mummy went upstairs to the sports shop and Daddy took me into a place called Humv to look at the Metal CDs. Apparently one of his fave bands from when he was young and had hair down to his bottom (still have trouble picturing that) has a new album out and he got all excited, bless him.

However by this point I was getting tired and just like last time everybody seemed far too busy to coo over me, so I started turning heads by conducting our conversation in Yell. Daddy stopped looking through the CDs and talked to me for a minute, and a very miserable looking boy with the floppiest fringe ever bumped into the Tank and gave Daddy a really evil stare, as if it was his fault that he missed seeing a four foot tall ABV (Armoured Baby Vehicle). Daddy politely suggested that if he cut his fringe he might be able to avoid stationary objects, and he stalked off with his lip wobbling.

I think Daddy made him cry. I know I'd cry if I had a haircut that stupid.

We went outside of Humv to wait for Mummy, but she took ages and ages upstairs doing her shopping (again). When she eventually did emerge we went to have our lunch in the Moon! Twas funny, I always imagined it would be more cratery and white, but instead this Moon was full of people having drinkies and nosh.

We found a little table in the corner of the Family Area, and the momentous occasion of my first ever sit down meal occurred. Mummy went to order her and Daddy's food and get some hot water to heat my bottle up, and when she had got it Daddy gave my bottle while Mummy went outside for some potential lung cancer, as Daddy puts it. I really don't think Daddy likes her smoking again, you know.

Well, I can tell you I felt very grown up indeed, having my bottle in a proper restaurant like the grownups do. I am a proper Big Girl now!

Mummy and Daddy both like eating out, as Daddy says that food always tastes better when someone else has cooked it, and Mummy generally adds that with his cooking it's pretty much a certainty. They both like Chinese and Italian food, though Daddy still likes Rice even when he has Italian food. He usually has something meaty whereas Mummy has something Spaghetti-like. His favourite is a special Seafood Risotto, Mummy's is Spaghetti Bolognese. Unfortunately these dishes are from two different restaurants, but that's Mummy and Daddy for you.

After we all had our lunches, we went back home and I fell asleep in the car. It did seem to me that my big sister was back early, and Daddy said that this was because she had been on a whistle-stop tour of lots of different places where people worship God. Or Gods. Or ancestors. I think he must mean like her Dungeons and Dragons playing Lamb worships Azuth. I wonder if she went to an Azuthan Temple?

After all that excitement I really didn't want to go to sleep and kept waking myself up to play with Daddy after my last feed. I managed to get up, do a big stinky weewee so as to require a big bum change, then fight the sleepiness until Mummy got home from hockey practice. It's a great talent of mine, that is.

Today I did really well with my baby rice, and Mummy and Daddy were very pleased. I think they wish taking these luverly solids would help me sleep better, but you can't have everything.

Grandad is very pleased with my insomniac tendencies of course. He says I am his revenge on Daddy for not going to sleep until he was 4 1/2 years old. Daddy says it wasn't his fault, he didn't know better. Grandad says neither do I, so that all works out in the end. Not sure I follow the logic there, but Grandad seems very pleased with it so who am I to argue?

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Yummy Goodness & Why My Mummy Has To Be A Very Patient Lady

I am finally getting into this weaning thing! Baby rice is true yummyness, I have now decided. What helps is that Mummy got my big sister's old baby walker thingy out of the loft and I can sit up in it and play, and eat my food as well as my toys! So this way there isn't as much messyness (as long as they keep the bowl out of my reach of course) and I have discovered that its actually fun to, you know, eat the food instead of just letting it dribble back out again. Or gag on it.

Now Daddy is feeling better and not doing his celebrated 'man coughing up a lung' impression, I have been catching up on playtime. Whether or not I should be doing inconsequential things like sleeping or feeding is frankly irrelevant. I yelled my displeasure for a solid hour yesterday morning when he dared to try and get me down for the post-first-feed nap I hadn't had earlier. Between you and I, I think he was getting a tad frustrated by the end of it all and Mummy very kindly got up out of bed to come and help him out.

Mummy has been helping Daddy lots while he has been ill, he says she is teh star. She has been doing the washing up sometimes (granted this has been on the grounds that there isn't much point getting it clean if he then coughs all over it, but still) and has managed to make his job easier at least once a day by forgetting to boil the water for my feed when he asks to so he has to give me a carton instead. Isn't that generous?

Some mornings she has also got up to me and let him sleep in, like Friday when we take my big sister straight to the swimming pool instead of her getting the bus to school. Well, all right yes he did get up to make sure Amber was ready for school at half past six, but that's not the point. He got to go back to bed again for a whole two hours when we went off to pick up Frankie and go to the pool, so he was quids in there.

In other news, Jacques the Shark accidentally ended up in the washing machine today. He got a teeny tiny bit squidged and Daddy says he now looks like he's had one too many glasses of champagne instead of his usual suave expression. We're still not quite sure how he got there, I think maybe Mummy was trying to get rid of him because she is getting miffed off with Daddy running him through my bathwater whilst chanting the Jaws theme in a French accent. Every time.

Poor Mummy. I don't know where she gets the patience.

A Strong Possibility Of Future Embarassment

Daddy says this is the first item in the 'photos to put off the first boyfriend for life' archive. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Shooting Star

As if seeing Santa the other week wasn't cool enough, last night I was having my evening back garden time with Daddy and we saw an actual shooting star! It went very quickly out from behind the tree and looked like it nearly crashed into a house. Though it was fun to see it, I wouldn't even want that to happen to one of those 'hippees' Daddy doesn't like (who must have really done something to annoy him in the past).

The trees were particularly amazing last night. Even though they don't have any leaves on them now its winter, they looked really eerie all lit up by the big light outside the annoying DIY neighbour's patio door.

We couldn't find the moon, though. It was very, very strange. We cast around, looking up at the sky together for ages. We saw lots of stars, but no lovely big round moon. Amber came out and told us some of their names, then predictably Daddy made up some silly ones like 'Uneven Shiny Line' and 'Big Bright One Next To Two Little Ones'.

Anyway, outdoor nocturnal silliness aside, I've got loads to tell you all about but Daddy isn't feeling all that well still so most of it will have to wait until he's feeling well and truly better. He has a husky voice which is annoying because he can't do so many funny voices for me or sing to me much at all, and his nasty choky fits keep waking me up when I'm asleep in my bouncer. This officially Sucks. I think he may be on the sofa again tonight as well, which means I will only have Mummy to wake up every single hour of the night.

The not sleeping thing is part of the weaning, the paediatrician lady said to Daddy when he took me to see her the other day. So I think Mummy and Daddy kind of wish they'd got started on it a bit earlier, but there you go, you can't have everything in life. Soon I may actually achieve the desired state of eating one part baby rice to making fifty parts mess.

Could happen, you never know.

Daddy Forecast

Here is the Daddy Forecast, gurgled by weatherbaby Lulu.

Coughing continues strongly, voice is becoming huskier with the possibility of severe loss just in time for the weekend. Headaches due to excessive coughing and fitting 5'10 frame onto 4 foot sofa increasing steadily, general exhaustion levels also on the rise with strong possibility of abatement tomorrow when I visit Dan and Clo-Clo for the day and he spends it sleeping.

Now I shall hand you back to non-weatherbaby Lulu for a general news update.

Thank you, weatherbaby Lulu.

Bong!

Daddy still sicky.

Bong!

Baby hits six months and starts weaning with varying degrees of success.

Bong!

Baby sees Paediatrician in followup appointment, gets cooed over and pronounced healthy and cute but also awkward and insomniac.

Bong!

Daddy pledges detailed update as soon as he's feeling better.

Bong!

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

My Sister, Poopyhead

Daddy says my unfortunate big sister won't thank him for posting this, but I thought the way the seagull managed to just perfectly hit her fringe so there was a big blob of birdy goodness hanging down her fringe in front of her eye was just too good not to share.

In other news, Daddy's sickyness has brought his cough up to the point where he will be on the sofa tonight so he doesn't wake me up. Must be preemptive karma for embarassing Amber like this.

Still Sicky Daddy

Well, it hasn't got much better really. Daddy still isn't quite the ticket, and it's getting on my nerves now. He has started making that revolting burbly noise and trying to pull his nose off with that funny white papery stuff that makes pretty patterns on the floor when I knock the roll off the desk. He is also not playing with me all morning like he's supposed to. After the 5am shift this morning I fell asleep after my bottle and when I woke up I wasn't downstairs in my bouncer with him ready to play in that cute bleary-eyed way he has first thing in the morning, I was in my cot again!

I wasn't having that, so I made my presence felt with some judicious random yelling. But then Mummy got up and took me downstairs instead of Daddy. This isn't right, Daddy should be on call when I want my cuddles and silly music videos and other things.

So I mimped. And mimped. And mimped.

My sister got up out of bed after a while and Mummy tried to see if I would play with her. What was she thinking? I wanted my Daddy!

So I mimped. And mimped. And mimped.

Eventually Mummy gave up and got Daddy out of bed, and now, about ten minutes later, I am contented, and shall fall asleep as soon as I have dictated this in my best happy Gurgle.

And Mummy shall be, perhaps understandably, a little bit miffed off.

Sicky Daddy

Apologies to all my avid readers, but Daddy isn't very well at the moment so blogging may be light for a couple of days. He is feeling rough enough that Mummy kindly took pity on him and let him sleep for a whole three hours in the daytime today. Shame I'd got him up from 4am really.

I have been giving him lots of cuddles and smiles to cheer him up though, and we have been dancing together to lots of music videos like this one, which he says is one of his top ten songs of all time even though the Youtube version of the video isn't very good quality, and the band are 'a bunch of hippies really', whatever that means . So presumably this must mean he isn't feeling that dreadful really, so I'm sure normal service will be resumed soon.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

I Saw Santa!

I did! Well, alright, my big sister saw him first when I was in the back garden cuddled up to Daddy having my evening constitutional, flying across the sky towards the moon. His big red Santa Suit (which is like my Sleep Suit but bigger and redder and more furry) was winking on and off as the moonlight hit it, and when he flew across the face of the moon I'm sure I could see him waving at me. We get the best moons in our back garden so I could see him really clearly.

Daddy said good girls get lots of presents from Santa. However considering it was 4.30 am last night when he said it after he gave up and brought me downstairs, my hopes aren't high. Damn.

Yorkshire

I have returned from the wilds of Yorkshire. And believe me, when I say wild I really mean it as regards the return trip. It took poor Mummy and I a whole nine hours to get back through wind, and rain, and more wind, and more rain.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's rewind back to Friday morning when Mummy and I set off for Yorkshire.

Daddy got me up bright and early for first feed so Mummy could get moving as quickly as she could and avoid the rush hour in the places we'd have to go through to get to the moteyway. I think she actually managed to only come back in to the house to pick up something she'd forgotten once (instead of the usual three or four), that's how ferociously focussed she was.

The weather was gorgeous on the way, and as we wended our way north, and well clear of nasty poopy London (as Daddy calls it) I was so impressed with all the cool landscapes. There were so many different things to look at - new hills, trees, people. The great outdoors, baby! I love it.

Eventually though it was time for me to have my next feed, and we stopped just before a place called Oxfood which presumably has lots of farms in it. I didn't mind stopping to nosh some milkies, but then once I was finished Mummy had the barefaced cheek to try and get some food of her own from somewhere called Macadees.

I didn't like Macadees. It smelled funny, and being in there was stopping me from enjoying the thrill of the open road, or something. I put up with it as we waited in the queue to be served, I put up with the smelliness, I even put up with waiting to go back into the car. But Mummy actually let go of me with one of her hands when she picked her juice up off the counter, and this was just the last straw. So I decided to use my baby martial arts to deliver a swift kick to the offending article and show my displeasure.

Unfortunately it all went a tad wrong. I'm not too sure how I did it, but I kicked at an angle that sent the juice all over Mummy's face. And my face. And my hair.

Mummy? Not impressed, I can tell you.

So there I was, on the way to Yorkshire to meet my cooing public, and now I smelled of orange juice and baby wipes. So I didn't try any more of the old high kicks again. I'm only in my Pink Babygro after all. When I get my Black one I shall be able to aim them perfectly to only get Mummy with a flood of juice and avoid myself.

I fell asleep after a while, quite a long while in fact. By the time I woke up we were well along the Moteyway. This is a very long road with lots and lots of cars on it, and Mummy gets to drive much faster on it, which she is very pleased about. Also it flashed by so fast that I could barely take in all the sights, but there were lots of other cars that seemed to be barely moving at all next to ours. It was very strange, that. The background (trees, fields etc) seemed to whizz by, but the other cars only seemed to be moving a tiny bit. Weird.

And then, after a whole seven and a half hours (apparently) we reached Yorkshire. Yorkshire is where Granny B lives. It is a house with a nice garden next to lots and lots and lots of hills. Because I was still a bit sticky from all the Macadees orange juice I had a special Yorkshire bath, which means I went in the kitchen sink and made a big splashy mess! It wasn't like at home where I have a special green baby bath, and have lots of towels laid down to stop me soaking the carpet. I thought everyone had baby baths, but obviously they do things differently 'north of Watford', as Daddy calls it. Shortly before receiving a ding from Mummy, usually.

When I went to bed I did not like the feel of my travel cot. It was very different to my supersoft bed at home, plus I was still a bit of a snotbox from my cold. So Mummy gave up and laid me down in my beloved bouncer and I passed out almost straight away. It had been a long day's travelling, after all. Apparently Mummy kept waking up to check on me all night, but I didnt stir on account of all that hard looking about and yelling I'd done.

In the morning we went from Yorskhire to the village, which is called Honley. But inevitably Mummy forgot her car keys and so Granny B pushed me along in my cousin Molly's pram and I fell asleep, as I like to do in the Tank. But when I woke up we were somewhere very odd. A lady was pouring water and stuff on Mummy's head, and there were ladies and men with scissors chopping off other people's hair! It was very disconcerting, but I was OK for a while because there were lots of people cooing over me. Some wore funny uniforms and were the people doing the hairchopping, so I was a bit unsure about them. After all I don't want them going near me with those fierce looking scissors, I've barely got any hair to get cut off in the first place!

Anyway, all went well until someone tried to attack Mummy with a very stubby looking object that I recognised. It made a strange noise and it started to blow poor Mummy's hair all over the place. If I hadn't gone completely howl-at-the-moon mad at this I think it would have charged up and blasted Mummy like some sort of weird raygun. I've seen those dodgy sci-fi movies Daddy likes, I know what a raygun looks like and I'm not having anyone point one at my Mummy!

Once I had saved Mummy from death-by-raygun, we went to see Aunty Jayney and Bob next. I was still very upset from the trauma of nearly seeing Mummy blasted into atoms, so when Jayney wanted to snuggle me I really protested. But she is annoyingly persistent and eventually I gave up and allowed her to cuddle me off to sleep for a little while.

I was supposed to meet one of Bob's grandchildren today, but she had the dreaded Chikunpops. Apparently this is a nasty illness that makes you feel really yucky and then go all spotty. Daddy gets very annoyed about it, because he says some people are really silly and think that children can only get it once whereas they can really get it loads of times as not all kinds of Chikunpops are the same kind. So if they are like like the Poppin Chikun then there must be Barbecue Chikunpops and Spicy Chikunpops and that sort of thing, I suppose. Anyway, some people actually bring their babies to see other children who have the Chikunpops so they can get it when they are tiny, which is about the meanest thing I can think of doing ever!

(Daddy's Note: It really is an Urban Myth of the silliest kind that children can only get chicken pox once. Amber has had it three times, I know of one girl who has had it six times. So don't ever, ever hold a 'chicken pox party' unless you want me to come over and make you eat ten snotty hankies by way of a metaphor for what you are doing to your children.)

It was all go today. No sooner had I woken up from my sleep then off we went again, this time to a special sale at the mill that Grandad B works at. All his friends who also work there and other people there to buy woolly things (no sheep for sale though, I was a bit disappointed about that) endlessly cooed over me, so by this point I was cheering up quite considerably. Then we went back to Jayney's to switch cars and left to go to another special Cooing Party. It was organised by a very nice lady called Granny Walker (who isnt Mummy's Granny but seems to get called that anyway and there were loads of people there to coo over me. I was the centre of attention for ages, it was great! True, there was a grownup called Virginia there who seemed to be getting quite a bit of greetings too (something about her 21st, Granny Walker must have a lot of grandchildren then) but really she got much less attention than me.

After my next bottle and a giant poopoo, Mummy took me out into Granny Walker's back garden to see something I've never seen before up this close - a great big horsey! I've seen some go by pulling carriages when I've been sat in the Tank but I never realised just how big they are before. Mummy wouldnt let me touch the horsey's mouth like I do with her and Daddy though because horseys have great big teeth and big flappy lips and I might get swallowed. Urgh, what a yucky thought, I sort of lost the urge to play 'Lets rip your lips off' after that.

Once everyone had had at least one good coo over me we dropped Granny B home and then went to see Grandad B and Granny She and the doggies.

Their two doggies are called Rubble and Freddie. They are both very bouncy and friendly doggies (not like Syco at all) and I played with them for hours. Rubble ate my little feet and made them all slobbery, and Freddie licked at my hands. I giggled like a maniac, they were so funny! Mummy reckons Milton's shares must have climbed after all the sterile wipes she got through, whatever that means.

I even got to pull Freddie's ears, bonus! Then I sat with Granny She and watched Mummy fight Rubble for the doggies new 'unbreakable' chew toy, which seems to be able to make a grown woman sprawl about on the floor playing tug-of-war with a doggie. What a versatile toy it must be. I watched Mummy rolling about and laughed like a drain the entire time.

Next I got to open a present!. It was a snazzy new coat, and I liked it so much that I tried it on straight away and then wore it outside to step into Grandad B's back garden and watch the fireworks go off nearby. I love fireworks - they go bang and pop and fizz and make pretty colours in the sky. Luckily the noise doesn't bother me at all, because I know that the bangs mean there are more pretties on the way.

As the fireworks finished, Grandad B's friends Diane and Robert came and cooed over me, but I was so tired out from all the excitement of the day that I went to sleep when i really shouldn't have done. I was rudely woken by Mummy to go back to Granny B's house to have my last feed of the day. Unfortunately for Mummy because I'd has my Powernap I was still very awake after the last bottle and I didn't want to go to sleep yet, after all this was about as exciting as the busiest day ever! Even after she finally got me down I still woke up at 3am. And 4am. And 5am. And 6am.

I think there was a pattern emerging at this point. Mummy took the hint and got out of bed to give me my first feed shortly afterwards. But joy! My cousin Molly was waiting downstairs for me when I got there, having her breakfast with Granny B. She is a bit bigger than me, she isn't quite big enough to be walking yet but she does crawl a lot. I think Granny B was having trouble catching her so she could give me all the morning smiles I was due.

After I played with Molly for a while Mummy packed all our goodies in the car and we left Yorkshire to see my namesake, Auntie Lucy. She is one of my two Godmothers and she lives with her fiance John in a big building with lots of floors and a really funny glass lift thingy. She is also a gaming and fantasy geek like Daddy, yay! Or not depending on your point of view.

Aunty Lucy also has a nice slidey wooden floor that I got to go dry swimming on. Dry swimming is what happens when a baby knows how to do all the motions to start crawling but hasn't quite figured out how to do them at the same time yet. I'm getting really good at it.

I also got another present from John and Lucy - a Tigger suit! Lucy took some photys of it next to me, but I didn't like it when John loomed over me to take some of the two Lucy's. He is very tall and a bit scary, so I kind of mimped until he took the hint and backed off.

After lunch we said goodbye to Aunty Lucy and John and Mummy said we were leaving Yorkshire and going home, which didn't make much sense because we left Yorkshire and said goodbye to Granny B earlier on. However we were soon on the way as Aunty Lucy lives very near to the Moteyway and that's the speediest way to travel, baby!

At least it is when the wind doesn't roar and the rain doesn't fall down in sheets. You see after we stopped for my next feed, I did a huge weewee shortly afterwards so Mummy had to stop at the next services to change me. And then a few minutes after we got going again I detonated a Size Six in my nappy, just to shake the journey up a bit. Well I wanted the fresh air, didn't I. It's not my fault Mummy wouldn't take the hint.

After all the delays for bum changing we were running later than intended so we were still on the Moteyway when night fell and the rain really hit hard. I didn't like this at all, as now I couldn't see much of anything and Mummy had to slow down as well, so I screamed for 50 miles straight to make sure my displeasure was fully understood.

However we took a big break just before that Oxfood place again and a funny thing happened. Suddenly Mummy's friend Sam and two of her friends were there, and I got some serious cooing. Now that made me feel much better, I'd gone without a good coo for hours. As Sam lives near us, from then on Mummy followed her car down the roads so she had a good target to aim at. It all turned into a bit of a blur for me afterwards, I think I fell asleep at least once before finally, after nine hours of gruelling travel, we arrived home at Chez Lulu.

When we got there Daddy wasn't very well. It seems he felt very ill in the car coming back from Indiecon and had been laid down for a couple of hours before we got home. So there was poor exhausted Mummy coming indoors and wanting to hand me over to Daddy, and Daddy thinking he was going to throw up any minute when I got all excited and started kicking at his tummy while he gave me a welcome home cuddle.

I decided to make them feel better by not going to sleep for ages, as I figured they could use the company to cheer them up. Oddly enough they didn't seem to appreciate the gesture all that much, the ungrateful pair.

So that was my trip to Yorkshire. I enjoyed it very much up until the darkness and the rain fell on the way home, and I'm sure I'll have forgotten about that part soon. And so will Mummy once her ears have stopped bleeding from all the screaming.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

No Matter What Daddy Says...

...I don't see the problem with weeing everywhere just as he has finished drying me after bathtime (so he had to change his trousers, at least it wasn't a poopoo). After all, Mummy always says when a girl's got to go, a girl's got to go...

Space Baby

My sister has taught me how to play Space Baby in my bouncer. We wave my arms and blast off into space, and then we pilot our bouncy spaceship to all kinds of exotic planets. We visited Planet Baby and bought a dummy, then went to Planet Chunder and bought a Whoozit. Then we went to Planet Lucyhome and bought a Tinklebunny! It cost me five Dribbles.

Mummy calls Tinklebunny (who makes a pleasant tinkly noise when I shake him) Jinglebunny and gives Daddy very black looks when he doesn't go along with her.

I love playing with my big sister. I will miss her when I am in Yorkshire this weekend. I won't even be able to tell Daddy much to post on here every day either, but he says Mummy will ring him at least once every hour so she can fill him in.

I slept for ages last night and Daddy actually got something almost resembling a proper night's kip (though my poor sicky Mummy is still coughing and was stuck on the sofa again) after trying a late bedtime to knock me out. I almost managed a Powernap at 8.30 when Daddy took me out the Back Garden to watch the fireworks but he spotted that I was falling asleep and managed to wake me up, curses! He is trying it again tonight to see if I will still stay crashed out and only wake up three or four times like last night.

It's going to be bathtime soon, and I shall splash and splash and splash and splash. It's what I do. I splash, therefore I am, Daddy says. It's as good a philosophy to live by as any I suppose.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

But Daddy, Mummy Isn't Blonde

I don't get it. Why does Daddy keep saying Mummy is having a blonde week? I mean it's not like her hair hasn't gone through a lot of different incarnations since they met - at first it was bright pillarbox red, then red, then black, then black with a red streak, then back in black again, then browner, then her natural brown and even ended up green for Conception when I was in her tummy, like I explained yesterday.

But it's never been blonde.

Sure, she is having a few odd moments. Offering Aunty Chelle a lift home from work when she visited her at Comet and then going straight home and leaving her there, that was a doozy. Going out of the door calling annoyedly that she needed to get going and whatever Daddy was telling her would have to wait whilst he was trying to tell her that she had left her car keys behind, that was another good one. And there have been any number of superficial injuries from banging into things. Also managing to change the central heating settings to turn off the heat by banging the kettle spout into the switch so Daddy and I were somewhat cold this morning, that was a good one.

Bless her, she isn't having a good time.

But she's not blonde, Daddy. I can't imagine where you got that one from.

The End Of An Era (Well, Halfterm Anyway)

Yes, I have Officially caught Mummy's cough. This Officially Sucks, and means it's going to be another very long night for my dear parents. They are starting to look a bit ragged around the edges now. Daddy is even drinking Coca Cola for the caffeine content seeing as he doesn't normally touch coffee with a ten-foot pole.

My big sister goes back to school tomorrow. This also sucks. She has played with me lots and lots this halfterm, and changed more of my nappies than Mummy did today! She is teh Star.

I wouldn't go off to sleep this afternoon, so Daddy sung me that weird lullaby he likes. I don't know what the words all mean but it's very soothing and often calms me down and helps me get my Powernaps. Mummy frowns if she's there, because apparently she doesn't think all the words are 'entirely appropriate' but Daddy takes the pragmatic, if somewhat suicidal attitude that 'it calms her down so bog off'.

We all went down to Mudeford Quay today and fed the ducks, swans, cygnets, seagulls, weird looking big seagulls with grey hook beaks, moorhens and other feathery creatures. The seagulls really swarmed and whenever one managed to grab a piece of bread from the air and fly off with a pack of his friends in pursuit Daddy amused us by doing a racing commentary to accompany the action.

At one point Mummy thumped Amber upside of the head with a loaf of bread when she kept dangling slices over Mummy's head and seeing if the seagulls would do their business on her. The bag split and slices of bread flew everywhere. Daddy laughed so hard I jiggled up and down so fast I could barely focus on all my seagull friends, though he says this is Setting A Bad Example. I don't know why, I think it's all very funny just like he does and that can't be bad.

All in all despite the coughyness it's been a good halfterm with my big sister, all things considered. And I'm off to Yorkshire with Mummy this weekend to be cooed over by all the Mummyrellies while Daddy and my big sister go to Indiecon, which Daddy won a free pass for by answering lots of questions in a quiz. Yay for Daddy and his geeky knowledge of roleplaying games!

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

The Coughing Cavalier And The Fairy Dressmaker

Mummy isn't very well. She has a nasty cough and is all snuffly. Because of this she hasn't slept in the bedroom for two nights. It's miffed me right off because Daddy just isn't as good at popping my dummy back in and patting me back off to sleep when I howl at the moon. Plus of course with Mummy not there, there isn't anyone to poke him in the ribs and stop his snoring. Terrible it is, like a warthog being dragged through a threshing machine.

On Friday afternoon Daddy and Amber took me to Granny and Grandad's along the beach in the Tank. I was already in a crabby mood however, after Daddy did a great big sneeze before we got in the car down to Mudeford Quay and made me jump. And Yell. A lot. So I was already feeling seriously snippy and eventually Daddy had to take me out of the Tank and carry me for half a mile or so until we reached the part where we have nowhere else we can go but the Beach.

Well, I wasn't best pleased to get put back in for that part, no sir. I howled, but Daddy was his usual awkward self and strapped me in anyway. This might be because he knows me very well, and knows that after about one flat minute of jouncing and bouncing on the sandy beach, I'll go to sleep for sure. And I did, too.

When I woke back up later on after Daddy had managed to maneouvre the Tank over the sand, he seemed to be a lot redder than before. Funny that. Still, he says it helped keep him warm after shaving his head about 15 minutes before we set out. Maybe that was why I saw his scalp turning blue.

We didn't stay at Granny's too long after Daddy and Amber had their lunch there, with me naturally sat on Daddy's knee and making all possible effort to either a) pull the mat and everything on it off the table or at the very least b) give Daddy indigestion. Ah well, at least one out of two isn't bad.

On Friday night it was Halloween, but as Daddy was out Gaming with Uncle Julian and Amber was at Granny's, there was no trick or treating going on. Besides, Daddy used to take Halloween quite...seriously, and he thinks that only new people knock on the door now on account of the things he has done to trick or treaters in previous years. My big sister says that not many people dare to pick marshmallows off the point of a bloodstained kitchen knife and so they go where the pickings are a bit less fraught with nappy-wetting terror.

The first year Mummy moved down from Yorkshire, when trick or treaters knocked on the door Mummy would open it and run away screaming in fake terror while Daddy chased her with the kitchen knife and then dragged her back inside, still screaming. Anyone who knocked on the door a second time would get sweeties.

I do wonder about my Daddy sometimes.

Anyway, despite Mummy putting a big sign on the door asking people not to knock on the door after my bedtime, a very silly boy who was more than big enough to read the sign still did, and he really banged on it too. It made me stir, and Mummy was very annoyed. But as I subsided again, he banged on the door again even harder than the first time, and she opened it and said some mean but justifiable things to him and his mummy who was standing across the road. Something about having him spend a bit more time in school and learning to read instead of trick or treating I think it was. Daddy thought it was harsh, but also fair.

Yesterday Mummy managed to fight through the unbearable ickyness of being and went to play her first hockey match with her new team. She said she felt much less ill running around in a wet field than she did when she came back home. Daddy said she must be allergic to my sister, which earned him a ding from both of them. I really do wonder about my Daddy sometimes.

Last night's bathtime was great fun too. I managed some serious legkicking and got water over my sister, which was good stuff. But then Daddy had a bit of a moment with the talc and it kind of exploded out of the container in his face as Mummy had mixed them up and this one doesn't have solid sides. And judging by the amount of talc on his trousers, T-Shirt and face he must normally squeeze the solid one quite hard when he opens it up.

Really am wondering about Daddy now.

It got better though. I must have managed to loosen the plastic plug thingy on the bath just as Daddy lifted me out to dry me. So it was juuuuuuuust ready to pop out of place as poor Daddy lifted it off the floor.

I shall draw a polite veil over the proceedings in the next few moments. Let's just say I don't think I ever want to know what some of those grownup words mean.

Later on Mummy went off to a Halloween Party (just for an hour due to her ickyness) at her friend Sam's. She wore her short skull dress and her cool Vampire cloak that Aunty Fi made her. Who's Aunty Fi?


This is Aunty Fi. She is the bestest dressmaker ever. She made Mummy's wedding dress and makes all her own costumes for those LARP thingies Daddy likes to do, as well as other people's.

This is Mummy's Vampire Cloak that Aunty Fi made. Isn't it cool?


After she passed her driving test the first long trip Aunty Fi took was to come down here to sunny Christchurch to see me. She is one of the best cooers ever. Mummy and Daddy say they are very lucky that she is their friend. Apparently when they first met Daddy was a Dwarf and Aunty Fi was a fairy who had lost her kingdom in a game of Poker.

Still worrying quite a lot about Daddy actually.

It was at this Conception thingy that Mummy and Daddy met at. That's me in the picture that flashes up near the top of the screen on the website, by the way. Only you can't see me because I'm in Mummy's tummy still.

Well I'd better go off for my last feed now. I think poor Daddy is experiencing typing fatigue as I've been demanding enough that it's taken him most of the day to write this post. Bless.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

A Change Daddy Can Believe In

Today was an unusual day in many respects. For starters, Mummy got up with me at 7 and gave me my first feed instead of Daddy, I think my constant wake-up-and-howl-at-the-moon-for-no-apparent-reason routine from 2am had left her with a 'what the hell' attitude in the end. She even took me out to Sainsbury's after my feed so Daddy could catch up, so he got to sleep in until 9, the lucky thing.

Once Daddy got up I had lots of time playing with him and my big sister. She has been very cuddly with me today, we have had lots of quality time singing silly songs and playing with my toys. Daddy says she has been a brilliant help today and has let him do lots of little jobs.

I have also been in my new bouncer as much as I am allowed to be today, spinning and dancing and generally grinning until the dribble hits the floor unnoticed. It rocks my world.

I have been cunningly waiting until mid-feed again to ambush Daddy with nappy-based detonations. It's so much fun lying in the crook of his arm and watching his expression change as I fire off and he starts wondering whether or not its escaped into my trousers.

It did at lunchtime (after Mummy went back to bed with a sore throat after yelling herself hoarse at hockey practice last night), hehehehe. I managed to get it on the Booties-She-Can't-Take-Off, which was very annoying for Daddy as he'd only just got them washed and dried after the last time. When will he realise that I just don't like doing the whole 'clothes' thing?

After lunch I had a little sleep because I wanted to get in on the act with Mummy, but just as Daddy was about to make himself lunch the old Daddy Dinners Radar went off and I woke myself up. I'm just too damn good...

I was in very vocal mood after my lunchtime Powernap, so I decided to discuss the likely outcome of the US Elections with Daddy and Amber. In Yell. I woke Mummy up when I did it, my bad.

Daddy says what he had to deal with during my lunchtime feed is the only kind of Change He Can Believe In.

After I woke Mummy up Daddy took me up so I could have a cuddle and apologise, while he made his lunch. But she stayed in bed with me and gave me some toys to play with, and it was just so warm and cosy in there with her that I went to sleep all over again and stayed down for over an hour while she snuggled me. This meant that Daddy and Amber could have cuddles and play computer games together, which is good as she is on holidays from Big Big School this week and we all want to make the most of it.

Of course for Mummy and Amber, making the most of it seems to mainly consist of making really really sticky and yummy chocolate cakes that Daddy can't have because they will upset his tummy, and then waving them under his nose and saying 'Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm' a lot. Daddy is making some really quite scary threats to try and make them stop, but they just keep on grinning and saying how yummy everything tastes.

When they brought in the saucepan with the chocolate sauce in it to show him he started muttering about that divorce thing again. I really must find out what that means.

After my 5 o'clock feed I had Bath Time. Bath Time is great stuff, I always manage to soak Daddy as much as possible. Last week I got him all wet and after he changed his trousers he sat down to change my nappy then realised he was sitting on the towel he had put down to catch all the water that got over the edge of my baby bath earlier. Poor Daddy.

This time I had all my Zoggs in the bath. I have three of them - Sven Penguin, Jacques le Shark and the Zogtopus. Tonight I really wanted to eat Jacques' Fin, which Daddy says is a delicacy in some countries. Aren't I all sophisticated with the international cuisine there?

After I had had a good splashabout, Daddy held me while Mummy washed my hair. This is not my favourite part of the whole bathing experience, and boy did I let them know how I felt about it. Still, I always have fun when Daddy lays me down for drying out afterwards. He wraps me in the towel and rubs me dry, then assumes his long-suffering expression as I throw myself onto my Tummy just as he is trying to put the Talc on it.

I always seem to end up with Daddy blowing talc out of my tummy button. I have a proper Innie, and it does tend to get filled up with the talc when I wont stay still. Which is every time really, now I come to think of it.

After my bath Mummy went off to the pub to see Dan, so it was just the three of us. I was enjoying a cuddle with my big sister so much that I fell asleep on her - right before my last feed. In my state of being 95% asleep, I could just make out Daddy explaining what a pain I am to get to sleep if I have a nap before that last feed, so Amber woke me up again. I was not impressed, and vented my lack of impressedness in the time honoured fashion.

One major Yell later, and it was time for Amber to go and shower, and for me to have my last feed. I scoffed it down whilst Daddy carried on talking to his friend from America, Daphne, on the puter. They discussed how cute Mummy and Amber and I am, and lots of that Pottylicks stuff that Daddy and Grandad talk about a lot.

In the end I was so shattered that after I had said goodnight to Amber and Daddy zipped me into my sleepsuit and laid me down in my cot I barely had time to dictate this in Gurgle. It's been a long and busy day, and I have to get my head down now so I can be fresh in the morning after waking Mummy and Daddy up every hour of the night.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Lulu Of The Dance

This afternoon I have experienced true bliss for the first time. The door bouncer thingy we got from Clo-clo is just the bestest game ever. I floated like a spacebaby and spun around to check out the spinniness of the washing machine then spun back to see Mummy, Amber and Daddy. Then Mummy lowered it a bit so my little feet could touch the ground and instead of floating I started bouncing!

If I pointed my little toesies I could push myself back up and do funny little leapy movements like one of those people on the telly who dance about looking like they have something shoved where the poo comes from (as Daddy so elegantly puts it). Mummy pointed out to him that I am technically part-Irish as Mummy's biololological Mummy is from Ireland, so it must be in my blood. Daddy said that that kind of dancing is actually about as truly Irish as his left armpit. Maybe he has a four-leaf clover growing in there?

High Arc Trajectory

By way of a wake-up request I managed to throw my dummy out of the cot this morning and hit Mummy right on the head!

When I grow up I think I shall be like Daddy's friend Murray.

(Daddy's Note: The rest of Murray's site is most definitely neither safe for work nor for those of a Leftist disposition with any form of heart condition. Don't say I didn't warn you...)

The Quest For Peppa Pig

Today was a Big Day Out. Mummy and I said goodbye to Daddy and Amber after my mid-morning feed and we went over to Dan's to see Clo-clo.

Clo-clo is Dan's daughter. She is bigger than me, a whole year and a half old. She is very, very blonde and curly and is lots of fun. She did get a bit jealous when I showed off my new command of the English language by calling Dan 'daddy' fifteen times, but apart from that she was very friendly as always. She shares her toys with me and is very generous when I come to see her.

When we were at Dan's we watched Dora the Explorer together and we each had one of Mummy's knees to sit on and bounced and danced to the music. Then Chloe and I both had a cuddle with Dan and Chloe's cousin Charlie took lots of pictures of us.

Charlie is even bigger than Clo-clo, he is a whole three years old! Which thinking about it makes Mummy quite old, and Daddy positively ancient.

We went to some new shops that I had never been to before next, but it was a bit boring so I fell asleep for a while. After I woke up it was very weird, we were all just standing around doing nothing that I could see, and so were the other people near us.

Then something new and exciting happened. One of the great big cars which dont make the passengers wear seatbelts and which you have to pay money to ride in came along, and we all got on it! Well, this was all very new. There were lots of people and new things to look at, and I could even look out the window like I do in our little car.

We rode into a place called Pool in the great big car. I looked to see whether it would be very wet or not but apart from a bit of rain it was barely even damp, so it was a very silly name for it. When we got there we met up with Dan's niece Charlie, who is a Big Big Girl like Amber. By this time I was very hungry, so we sat on the in a place called the Dolphin Centre and Mummy fed me. Like Pool, the Dolphin Centre has a silly name because there wasn't a single dolphin to be seen splashing in the fountains. I was quite disappointed about that.

After my feed we went to look for a genuine celebrity - Peppa Pig was in town! Clo-clo really likes Peppa Pig, and Daddy has let me watch her on Milkshake a couple of times in the morning. But when we got to her Travel Pen (which must be like my Travel Cot but muddier) there were so many people queueing up to see her and have their photy's taken that Mummy and Dan gave it up and just held us up high so we could see her.

She was Big, and Pink. Yeah. That was it, bit of a letdown really, all things considered.

For everyone else's lunch we went to Burger King. Everything there looked really yummy, especially the leaflets and napkins, several of which I attempted to nosh down while everyone else ate the boring stuff like burgers and fries.

After lunch it was time to go and see Dan's sister Vicki, who has two tiny babies who were born at the same time a few weeks ago. Chelsea and Charlie are also her children, and they have another sister who is also an Amber like my big sister. Dan said it was only a ten minute walk from Pool, but Mummy says she could have killed him because it was over thirty minutes. She says he has no sense of time at all, but that seeing as he works in a shop where he can go an hour without a customer coming through the door that isn't surprising.

So anyway, over hill and over dale we went, and by the time we got there I was so hungry that I had got a big bubble of air in my empty tummy and gave Mummy a huge, window-rattling burp after my feed. I think it made Clo-clo jump.

After my feed I played lots with Charlie and sat in a very unusual juddery bouncer. I thought it was great, but it did make the photos Charlie took of me very blurry unfortunately. Considering he is only three he does seem to like taking lots and lots of pictures.

When we went back to Dan's afterwards I was very tired from all the excitement, but I soon felt better when I got to have a go in a another special bouncer. This one was even better than the vibrating one, it goes in a doorway and you can sit right up in it and bounce about! Dan has given it to me as Clo-clo is too big for it now, so if I play my cards right and actually sleep for more than forty minutes at a time Mummy and Daddy might let me have a go on it tomorrow.

This week Mummy and Daddy have been mostly exhausted.

It was getting late, so Mummy and I got in the car and drove home. I tried really hard to go to sleep but Mummy wouldn't let me because it was getting close to last feed, and if I have a Powernap right before that I am a nightmare to get to sleep. Least thats what Daddy tells me, anyway.

When we got home I got lots of cuddles with Daddy and my big sister. They had really really missed me and were very pleased I was home. They were also pleased that I had been so well-behaved today - did you notice that not once have I had to reluctantly admit to kicking off whilst we were out? I've just been that good.

Daddy says I am teh Angel.

Daddy and Amber were also really pleased that I said 'hiya' to Chelsea earlier, too. I am getting good at this Big People language, though I still prefer a learned, erudite discourse in Shriek really.

I was so happy with all the attention that I detonated a serious Size Seven in my nappy right before my last feed, and had to dictate the last of this post in Red-Faced Strain. Mummy said it actually felt like her sinuses were stinging. Daddy said not to be such a big wuss.

I am very very tired now, so I think I shall fall fast asleep with that final feed. Hopefully I will be as good overnight as I have been through the day and Mummy and Daddy can catch up on a bit of sleep.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

The First Word

At 5 months and nineteen days old there was the Word. And the Word was 'Daddy'.

Grandad says we're on the slippery slope now, and no one will be able to shut me up until the 22nd century.

That Is Illogical, Mummy

We got two £75 discount vouchers from Comet in the post today. Mummy says this means when she has finished her Driving Instructor Training we can now pay £120 more for a new TV than we were going to before we got the vouchers.

Daddy says that's insane. Mummy says it's Female Logic and mustn't be questioned. What do you think?

In other news, we went to Christchurch today to help my big sister spend some of her birthday money. She bought some cool things and got herself a Raspberry Ripple Milkshake from the Chilly Wizard man. I was looking quite carefully, but he still didn't have a pointy hat or a staff so I call shenanigans on him being magical. I think he just makes really yummy ice cream.

Today I have been very mimpy indeed. My toothies are being a pain in the, erm, mouth. So I am spreading the pain around by doing most of my business in Shriek all say long. I even managed to give Daddy a headache by sheer volume earlier, that'll teach him not to pop those teeth for me when I want him to. I don't care how he does it, I'll take pliers or experimental dental surgery at this point.

I also managed to really get him good earlier by pooing nicely whilst he was in the middle of changing the first half of the poopy nappy. He shouldn't have been quite so quick to lay me down, should he? I mean you'd think he'd have figured out what a little wotsit I am with the nappy changes by now, and pooing in mid-change takes me to a whole new level of sheer, bloody-minded awkwardness. That's what Daddy says anyway, and as his dutiful little girl who am I to argue?

See the butter in my mouth? Not melting.

Mummy and Amber are going to do lots of baking in half-term. So they picked up a recipe book in Christchurch and we all went to Sainsbury's to pick up ingredients before my last feed. Mummy and Daddy had a playfight over who got to push me when we were in there. In the end Daddy jumped up on Mummy and she nearly had to give him a piggyback until we got home. At one point he grabbed the trolley and backed off, calling 'Toro, Toro!' and got a ding. I don't know what a Toro is, but I don't think Mummy appreciated being compared to one. Silly Daddy.

I didn't want to go to bed when we got back though. Mummy and Daddy ought to have figured out that if I manage to get a little 15 minute Powernap before my last feed I'm going to be impossible to get down straight away. And tonight I managed to drop off on the way back from Sainsbury's.

So in the end after much upset and Headflinging upstairs in the bedroom, Daddy took me out the back garden in my baby sleeping bag and my famous yellow blanky. He stood so the wind wouldn't get me very much and cuddled me and sang to me until I went to sleep. I must find his singing and the sound of the wind whistling through the trees very soothing indeed.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Violence, Mayhem, Ducks

Utter chaos ensued at Mudeford Quay tonight. First Daddy was trying to get revenge on Amber for trying to annoy him by talking through his headphones at him in the car, and he let the car door swing back when she had her hands full of bread so she'd have to put the bread down to open it again. But she didn't notice.

Ding!

Then whilst nursing her sore head, she tripped up coming out of the car and the loaf she was holding swung out and hit Daddy right between the legs.

Ding!

Then when we got the harbour, Amber wouldn't stop singing the really annoying bit from 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' so Mummy advanced on her and swung a loaf at her - but she tried to avoid it, tripped over and went backwards onto the floor.

Ding!

But it wasn't over, because Mummy was laughing so hard by now that she wasn't paying very much attention to where she was throwing, and she hit a duck in the beak with a slice of bread.

Ding!

I consider myself rather lucky to have escaped the carnage. Specially as Daddy kind of owed me one for managing to get poo all over him earlier when I had an escaped detonation and I kicked my little poopy legs at him.

I'd had some good fun with him out the garden before I fired it off though. We even saw Katie do her first poo of the day in the Poo Pit when we swapped the bunnies out together. She squatted down on the edge and then gradually kind of edged backwards, inch by inch before deciding she'd found a comfy spot. It was very strange how precise she was.

Daddy was back at his silly gaming tonight though, playing his 'bluff Yorkshireman' Albert Woolshaggery in Uncle Julian's Hawkmoon game. Uncle Julian has assured Mummy that he really did randomly role a Grim Northerner and this wasn't just him being mean about Yorkshireness. What are the odds?

So anyway, because Daddy wasn't here naturally I decided I would have some quality time with just myself and Mummy after Amber went to bed. So I stayed awake till gone 9 even though my last feed was at 8, wasn't that kind of me?

Night night and sleep tight everyone.

Today I Have Been Mostly Napping

I got woken up first thing in the morning at 6 o'clock by Mummy and Daddy today. Actually woken up before I had slept my fill, can you imagine that? I was so shocked at this blatant flouting of the parent-baby conventions that I just noshed the entire thing without really remembering to be awkward about it. But the one good thing was that I got to have some sissy time with Amber before she went off to school.

Even more shocking was what happened at 8 o'clock - Mummy got up and let Daddy go back to bed. The world is turning upside down, it really is.

The reason I was woken up bright and early was that I was supposed to go to baby swimming with Mummy and get in the pool at 11, so I needed my feed to be just after 9. But dyu know what, I really didn't feel in the mood today, so I decided to detonate an actual Size Eight in my nappy at 10 o'clock to help delay matters and then decided to use my baby self-hypnosis to put myself to sleep just at the wrong time. So no swimming for Lulu today, especially when Mummy realised that she would have to wake Daddy to get towels out of the airing cupboard to go swimming with anyway.

So after the deadline was finished, I woke myself up and pretended to be sooooooo upset about missing swimming, and we went to wake Daddy. He was pretty hammered still by the looks of it - and he made a very rude gesture indeed at Mummy when she suggested that I should jump on him to wake him up properly.

After lunch we went to Mudeford Quay - and I promptly fell asleep in the car for a while. Mummy and Daddy just stayed in the car and chatted while I had my Powernap, and by the time I woke up we needed to get back for the next feed. This was mean, I wanted to play with the gulls and the swans! So when we got home I expressed my displeasure in a very polite and reasoned manner for the next couple of hours. Right in Daddy's ear.

Daddy rallied magnificently though, and off he went to fetch Amber from the bus stop. When they came back I had loads of Big Sister Time in her room. We played lots of funny games and I managed to cuddle lots of toys, bonus!

I love my Big Sister Time. She is helping me learn my words just like Mummy and Daddy are, and she is also coming up with lots of new choruses of Coming Round The Mountain. And she has more cuddly toys than you can shake a stick at, what a lucky thing she is. Soon I'll be big enough to play with Skullsplitter the Barbarian Baby Bear as well, that'll be so cool!

Well I thought I was going to have to give it up and miss Mummy at bedtime tonight, as normally on Thursday night she goes to the pub to see her friend Dan, but as luck would have it he was doing an early shift today and Mummy had forgotten, so she suddenly got a phone call at 6.15 and went rushing out of the door after realising she was very late indeed. So what this meant was that she would be back at 7.30 instead of 9.30.

I was so chuffed I forgot to be a total pain in the bum with my next feed and fell asleep with it. Damn!

Mummy came back from the pub as she was supposed to, but her tummy was feeling very wobbly and so she couldn't snuggle me. So here she was, unexpectedly available, and I couldn't take advantage of it. I was really, really not impressed and I let Daddy know about it in no uncertain terms. I think even he didn't know some of the ruder Shriek words I was using. In the end he had to sit me down in front of the Pretties he sometimes puts on the puter for me so I could watch them dance in time to his noisy music and play with the keyboard.

Its amazing how many times I could hit just the right keys to mess up his listening pleasure.

However, despite the setback of Mummy's tummy I was determined to have my last feed with her, so I decided to be a real pain for Daddy so she would offer to take me instead. And my cunning plan worked really well too, as that's exactly what happened. However by the time my feed had finished Mummy's special telly programme with all the dead people and the lady whose boots Daddy is always admiring in it had started, so I was denied my bedtime Mummy snuggles and had to settle for Daddy instead.

I tried to fight the sleep, but my heart just wasn't in it. My little cot is just too comfy for words, and I'd defy anyone not to crash out in it. So as Daddy types this I will be fast asleep, waking up between now and the morning only to yell blue murder should I decide I want the dummy back if it has dissappeared from the vicinity.

Night night and sleep tight everyone.